Tired of squeezing the stress ball

Oh dear bloggie, how could i have forgotten about you? You were always there when I needed to vent my emotions. You were there when I forgot to keep you updated. And yet, you are still here when I need you once again. You are constant; never changing, just the way I love it.

I feel like im going bonkers and may have developed a slight addiction for bubble tea. I have been pushing really hard. I swear I am. Balancing school work with more school work. It's tough. I regret ever saying that uni was slack. It was nonsense. Thanks for putting me straight, Karma.

Projects are pilling up like I've never seen before. I don't even dare pen them down, in fear of seeing a mass of blue that reflects the amount of work yet to be done. I haven't been doing as well as I hoped so projects and the end of year exams are crucial. That's why Im pushing for the projects to be done early. I dont want to be fretting over them when the exams draw near. I'm pushing and pushing. Ironically, the one that is due the soonest is the one least done.

I doubt the bubble tea is calming me down. I don't know if the slight (if any) caffeine is what I am relying on the keep awake during the wee hours of the night. I'm getting kind of irritated with some of my groupmates. I don't know if its the crankiness talking or if i'm over thinking their responses.Others? They are awesome. Shit ass. This sucks.

I have so much pent up energy but I am so tired at the same time. I need to draft, even a short poem will probably help me release some of the pressure in me. But, I should be working on my project even as we speak (or rather as I speak). Maybe I'll draft one later. We'll see.

Bitch slapped

Bitch Slapped

At first i was "alright"
And then I was "nehs"
But then I kept to my promise
And you bitch slapped me in the face.

Sure I don't need it now
It's not a life threatening want
But still I want you to want me
And besides, it's loads of fun.

But yea you turned me down
Two freaking times in fact
Once is embarrassing
But it piled up and stacked.

It's a bitch slap across my face
A bee sting on my dimple
Bear claw marks lay on my cheeks
As I began to whimper.

A sensitive beat root of a head
Pigmentation forming
Hot and searing from the centre
And tears streaming and pouring.

It was a bitch slap across my face.

1 month aniversary

It has been forever since I last wrote a post. School has been going well. It's kinda different from others though. It is REALLY efficient.In the sense that you are learning constantly and i mean constantly. It is always new. You hardly go back and repeat until you understand. Lessons are planned to be something you learn from and not something to re enforce what you have learnt the lesson before.You have to do the catching up yourself. Oh and it is full of presentation and group work. I wonder if it is the same for other schools in NTU. I hope i don't drown.

I have joined Choir as my CCA and have decided to apply for the roles of Student Conductor and Sectional Leader. SC is really new to me and im not sure if im up to it. It would be awesome to try conducting. It would be a totally new experience. But in case i dont get it, i hope to fall on SL.

I am also joining ODAC. Subcomm interviews are tmr. I didnt make the cut to the main comm but its okay. I kinda guessed so before even going for the interview. Hopefully i can manage my time well. Owells, i guess thats all from me now, I have got to do my homework and get ready for, yet more presentations.

A waste of "emotional mind-boggling cells"

Yesterday, I had a chat with a friend in the taxi as we were going home. And the topic really frustrated me in the vehicle. It was as if there was a decision to be made or an epiphany to be struck. It was as if I had been living wrongly and should change my way of life. Going to university meant meeting new friends. With a new group of friends, it meant getting to know new people with new sets of ideals. This group seems very different from what I guess I have been interacting with. Although I have made it clear that I don’t necessarily clique with all kinds of people, the ones I have met so far are usually study oriented. They focus a lot on their grades with consistency. That’s me too. This group, however, has a few individuals that divert from my norm.

So yesterday my friend and I were talking a bit about growing up, going out and studies. He is a very “on” person. He loves to hang with friends with any free time he possess. Me? I put studies first. So he was telling me that I may have not let go of my “small girl mentality”. I didn’t agree but I didn’t exactly disagree either. I said this could be due to the lack of going out with friends. It has always been school, CCA and home for me. It was always a daily routine with the exception of holidays after examinations. If I do go out, though rarely, it is always with the same group of friends, which I have to admit, pamper me. I guess the lack of going out gave me little chance in making my own decisions and thus, grow up. The conversation made me feel like I should change my way of life and the fact that I am going to graduate at only 21 years old makes it seem like I should make good use of this limited time.

What bullshit.

Thinking back, that is all nonsense and a waste of “emotional mind-boggling cells”. There is nothing wrong with being studious. I mark my grades to be of high priority constantly and not only during important examinations. I am not going to wing through uni after putting in so many years of hardwork. No. I do what I am comfortable with. Going out when I should be studying or resting so as to absorb better will make me feel so guilty. No. I am who I am and I’ll be who I feel is right.

"WE" was supposed to end later

"WE" was supposed to end later

I used to show off my emotions
whenever I deem fit
to let the others know
if I'm angry, sad or elate.
But this time it's different;
I'm keeping them to myself.
I'm bottling up my emotions
and leaving them on the shelf.

It's because of the embarrassment.
I don't want others to know
so they won't see the shame
that now I do own.
I've failed in this aspect
though it ain't all my fault.
But I can not be the bitch
So my mind's doing somersaults.
Cause you ain't some random one,
I picked up from elsewhere
but a sister of a dear friend
that's great beyond compare.

I can picture the image: the scene
of how it all went down;
your parents giving in
after seeing your slightest frown.
You pleading hard and whining.
Your parents on the couch
and they caved in to princess,
that I can vouch.
They said, "Send her a message
to inform her of this,"
and you ran happily to your room,
with your face gleaming bliss.

So you ended our relationship
with a simple text,
Blaming nothing of the universe
but saying it was stress.
You are bound to face it, honey,
whether you like it or not.
You are an adult taking examinations,
Not a baby in a cot.
It was taxing on me too-
your body full of medication
but it was certainly lacking in perseverance,
determination and dedication.

So we stopped our partnership
before it reached its term.
2 sessions more and probably,
this sadness I wouldn't learn.
Still, I'm glad it's over now
and best of luck to you.
I hope you buckle up real hard
before your time is due.

August

It is August already and school is starting soon. I have actually been accustommed to the couch potato lifestyle that I'm not sure if I could revert back to the chionging schoolwork attitude. Since I am not involved with any other camps, I have been spending the past few days either lazing IN my couch or going out with friends. All of which is brainless. I do hope I can manage when school starts.

I am once again meeting my FOOT campmates tmr for post FOOT at Sentosa. I have been sick lately so I have to be careful with my diet tmr... Eating with friends can mean alot of peer pressure which leads to bad meals and tummy go pain pain. Then again, I havent exactly been eating healthy. I have practically been surviving on two or even one meal per day. Havent exactly got the best appetite.

Anyway, I have only recently found out that Jocelyn, one of my camp buddies, is actually not a senior. She IS a freshie!! I wonder why no one has pointed this out to me since I have posted about her being a "non-freshie" in my poem itself. So, I guess I have to change that verse now... Will probably post it at the end of this post. (if I actually have some inspiration cause well, it's kinda late already...)

Owells, I met up with my friend Santosh yesterday. It was a good outing. I still cant believe that he is going to leave Singapore already... :(( Will miss him and all his nonsense and all his bullying (or is it mine?) Haha. Anyway, I will miss him, I'd give him that.

Can't wait for post FOOT which will happen in just a few hours.. I should better get some sleep cause I have to wake up earlier than usual. Ok, let me source for some inspiration now....

Magician Jocelyn's amazing,

disappeared mysteriously after cycling.

She apeared again on the 5th day

when we found out who was the fake.

Done nights peeps!

Need smth to do!

It is coming to a month since I’ve ended my term at CPF and frankly speaking, it has been boring as hell. I am not saying that I am looking forward to the stress of school or feeling nostalgic towards the roller coaster of emotions in the workplace. I am just, well, anticipating for something to get my hands on.

I am not one who can sit around and feel contented with just lazing the whole day. Being useless is erm… sian. I have spent the last two days recuperating from camp and now that I am fully energized, I am ready to get down and dirty again. Friends are either working, in NS, going for refresher courses or participating in various camps. None of which I am a part of. This is going to be a long holiday.

I have tried with the artistic side of me. Painting, sketching, drawing. Doing my nails, my hair, shopping. Drafting poems, writing my blog, playing my piano. I have also gone out to play. Singing K, playing pool, watching movies. There is nothing much left.

Well, I could go on and have a head start on my accountancy courses but that is the one thing I am dreading badly. I mean, I am not too keen with the whole be-an-accountant idea and I certainly do not want to start it off badly. Hence, I rather let the teachers do their work and make it as pleasant as my body, my mind and my heart could ever let it be.

I am anticipating the photos that are going to be put up on facebook. Some are already surfacing, showing most unglam moments. Can’t wait for the spammage of notifications to arrive so that I could return the favor with comments and likes. Posted my little “poem” as my status there and it was quite well received. I wouldn’t dare brag about it because as a literature student, I know it isn’t very deep.  Wouldn’t call it fit to be a poem anyway. It is just a description of people that rhymes or a shallow blank verse.

Either way, I am glad it brings smiles to people. I have never gotten so many “likes” before for a status (>25). Haha. *smug* Owells… Back to being bored. Am not sure what I’ll do after this. Probably catch some close-eye. Need smth to do stat!

A Close OSAR Freshie Family

A Close OSAR Freshie Family:

At first there were fourteen-

5 guys, 9 girls in a team.

All seemed normal, not the least bonkers,

oh god how wrong we were!

We had skit IC Vanessa,

the wushu warrior of OSAR.

Push her buttons if you dare,

but consequences alone you shall bear.

Michelle was great at packing

and, to others, apparently slacking.

But still she is, lucky as can be

to have been allocated Hall 3.

OSAR even had Sailormoon

as Greg popped out as a cartoon.

We laughed out loud to his demise

when his yue liang zao xia while he tried.

Charlene was ever cute and bubbly

Whose dance moves are so amazing.

Her geisha ideas were out of the world

as she showed how it was to be a girl.

Tong Zhen’s the scary female ghost

whom the guys fear the most.

A headlamp is just all she needs

to make you incapable of holding in your pee.

Talking about bladder control,

makes me think of a specific bro.

One that urinates anytime anywhere ,

it’s no other but Chin Ken.

Brenda oozes creativity

as she helped with all the lyrics

for our performance at SP night

and the cheer of OSAR fight.

We have future teacher Mars

who shines brightly amongst the stars.

She cooks a mean meal, definitely a steal,

you wouldn’t believe it’s even real.

Weiwen can’t figure out whatsapp,

but still make an awesome cat

His bravery is commendable

as he’s the first to make the proposal.

Eunice is so kei jua

2 numbers to add, damn extra.

Yet her activeness we need to thank.

Without her, FB group would’ve been a blank.

Miss Taka Melor Ayumi Nipple Saki

belonged to dear Frankie.

He discovered himself through inks of markers

and balloons and lipstick and powder.

Magician Jocelyn was no freshie

who disappeared mysteriously after cycling.

She appeared again on the 5^th day

when we found out who was the fake.

Argh! That asshole Hong Xun

didn’t even give us a hint.

Fooled us bad with his great acting skills.

Oh how betrayed we feel-ed!

And so we were left with thirteen,

that is when you include me.

A bunch of isanities, all gaining notoriety

but still a close OSAR freshie family.

OSAR FOOT'12

Just came back from FOOT (Freshman Overseas Orientation Trip) camp and it was AWESOME. I’ve never thought that a group could consist of so many wonderful people who, put together, make a power group. On campfire night, one of the seniors quoted' "to give love, you must first be loved". This impacted me quite a bit and I swore the little voice in me was saying "I so feel the love".

“Family Love” was a core objective here and I have to say that FOOT was very successful in achieving it. I felt the care and concern and saw the amount of effort that the seniors put in. I remember having the hesitation to go for the camp as it was going to be “mah fan” since there was an overseas component. However, now, I strongly feel that I would have regretted if I were to make the alternative decision.

I wasn’t too sure if I could go through FOOT as I thought it to be highly physical. I even cried on the first night from night cycling. I didn’t know I was that much afraid of the dark. Though I tried to pull through, I stopped in the end as it was too much for me. I was too shag from the sobbing. Knowing this, my dad predicted that I couldn’t have gone through the other 5 days of the camp. (Glad to have proven him wrong!) Although I didn’t manage to complete the whole bike course, I still don’t think I could thank senior Wen Hui enough for all the encouragement she has given me.

So I guess I started FOOT with a weak start. Throughout the other days, OSARians actually thought I was a quiet girl (probably cause I was tired??). Hahas. How wrong they were! On the third day, I guess I surprised them all when I went all Agnes-crazy with the Master Chef Presentation skit, playing “Auntie Lucy- Sexy Version”. I can’t believe that anyone would think of me as demure, much less quiet, during an orientation camp. I have gone through 7, including this one, camps. All of which I was absolutely insane. Am glad to clear the air with everyone else. Haha.

Apart from Auntie Lucy, we had geishas (of many types) and Kiakia. I believe we were all stunned by the amount of courage and bravery the skit comm had. Whether we were silent or laughing our asses off, we all had our jaws dropped when Frankie kissed Yong Jun (ODAC president) in the midst of the skit! Oh, we won most creative skit by the way! Go OSAR!

Trekking was a great experience. I have only trekked once, I guess, with OBS and it was really tiring. We had to carry all our heavy bags through the jungle terrain. This was very different. We didn’t have to carry as the guys did most of it and we had to go upwards instead of forward. We climbed rocks and hills, through the forest and streams. (Wasn’t really streams… More of parts of the waterfall) It was a dangerous but exciting adventure. So exciting that it didn’t feel the least bit tiring even after trekking for 6 hours! Time flew past as we sang our way up and down. I got complimented for my singing (yay!) but that’s not the point.

Our lunch break was at the top of the waterfall but I think we played more than eating. The water was cold as hell but fun nonetheless. The seniors lied to us- saying that there was going to be a seven-eleven where we could buy magnum ice-cream and of course there had to be people who believed them. Oh well, at least it kept us going.

It rained on our way down the trekking path. We thought helplessly of how our tents could have flooded and drenched all our stuff since we were not there to make sure of it ourselves. However, this thought was quickly pushed aside as we played games in the rain while waiting for the okay sign to carry on trekking.

Campfire was next. I won Banana Queen together with King Ken. Still can’t believe how easy it was for him to pick me up princess style. Frankie won Miss Pallepe with his “Ayumi Nipple Saki” persona. We got into the cheering competition finals. Apparently we won but were announced as the runner-up instead. This intelligence is supposed to be private but heck it, no one reads my blog. We had won 2 out of three competitions and the judges thought it’d be better for the non-existence of a monopoly of titles. There were no hard feelings though, at least for me, be it before or after receiving this piece of intelligence.

On the 20th morning, I approach the president of ODAC (Yongjun) to ask him to be my SP. I was completely prepared to be wei nan by Aira (his group) as he was a high profile person, and sought comfort in the fact that I had the backing of my group. Thank god they were rushing for time! I sang him part of Grenade and that was all it took for him to say yes. When the news spread, some were shocked that the president was sold for just a song. Haha. There was nothing I could do but think “lucky me”.

After my “proposal” was done, there wasn’t any time left for the other freshies to do the same. Hence, my group decided that we would video the proposals and Zi Dao Zi Yan. Haha. Some acted as the other team while the rest acted as, well, us. It was hilarious. Will put up all of these videos here as soon as they make their way to facebook haha.

After reaching school, we found out that Hong Xun was a fake freshie. That asshole. He was so good with all the lying. Owells, it is an experience like no other.

I was so shag from the packing and crossing customs that when the group went for supper, I was a zombie. I hardly ate and fell asleep a few times. In the midst, they took a few Polaroid photos. They gave each of us one with our GLs and I am glad to say that my forced-awake look wasn’t too piercing to the eye. When we got back to school (2am), I KO-ed immediately while the others chatted. Some even lasted till 6.30am (we had to wake up at 7). Though I still stand on my ground that they were crazy, I do feel that I missed out quite a bit.

We had to wash our entire store (tents; mess tins; pans etc.). Oh boy was that fun!! I experienced washing store before at OBS. Although the OBS experience was an unforgettable one, washing store then was more of an obligation than it was fun. We bathed each other more than we cleaned everything. Canoe polo was next. Argh! Though I kayaked before, getting to the ball was harder than I thought! I didn’t even get the chance of touch the ball! Haha. But it was still fun nonetheless.

Then, we packed and got ready for SP night. Didn’t know that so many people dressed so nicely for it! So, I have to thank senior Priscilla for the dress she lent me. I'm still so sorry I broke her necklace when I held it. Was very thankful for the dress as it allowed me to go on stage (quite a few times too) not as Auntie Agnes.

I won the title of Queen YipeeYaYa together with the King from Doma (I think) and we got a pack of goodies each! Haha. For our SP Night performance, our group sang the song "My Love" by west life. We change some of the lyrics to create an original meaningful piece. Kudos to Tongzhen, Gregory and Brenda for the lyrics. :) Moreover, I think appreciation for Weiwen is in order too for putting in so much effort in practicing the guitar.

I got Yongjun a water bottle in a very Chui plastic bag while he bought me chocolates and sweets in a really cute paper bag. Haha. It was fun chatting and interacting with him though we spent most of the time on stage. Haha.

The night ended on a high. No tears though. But nostalgia. 6 days passed really fast. Am still deciding whether to go for ODAC. Love the culture but it's something new. Touching my heart, hoping to make the right decision.



{My Love}
To our GLs,
Our dear seniors,
And everybody else
I'm not alone, foot 12's brought us closer

I wonder how
I wonder why
I wonder where they are
The days we had, chasing SP together
Oh yeah~

And oh Osar
I'm holding on the moments
When Gregory proposed with a 月亮

So I say a little prayer
And hope the love would take us through
When the days are bad,
We would think of dear Osar

Overseas to Malaysia
To find the ulu waterfall
Where the family warmth brought us through the tir-ring hike

Our group is gay
We have Geishas
And famous miss pallepe
And Ken can't stop to keep himself from peeing
Oh yuck

I wonder how
I wonder why
I wonder where they are
The days we had spending time together
Oh yeah

And oh Osar
I am holding on the moments
When weiwen proposed as a hum sup cat

So I say a little prayer
And hope the love would take us through
When the days are bad,
We would think of dear Osar

Overseas to Malaysia
Where we had fun in cooking com
And then Frankie planted kisses on Steven
and yongjun

To keep you in our heart
To promise you seniors
To tell you from our hearts
You're all I'm thinking of

Reaching from the love that seems so far

So I say a little prayer
And hope the love would take us through
When the days are bad,
We would think of dear Osar

Overseas to Malaysia
To find the place we love the most
Where seniors cared for us
And tried to pass on the love

Say a little prayer
Hope the love would take us through
When the days are bad,
We would think of dear Osar

Overseas to Malaysia
To find the place we love the most
Where the fields are green to see you once again
My love



{OSAR Pledge}
We the brothers and sisters of Osar. Under the guidance of gina ling and snakie leong, we pledge to be loyal and true to the family. Brothers sisters ji ku wei! Ho bo?! HO!

MINE

Looking back at the course of today, it was fun and enjoyable. But there one thing that bugs me. Privacy should be respected, don't you think?

It was my own thing in my own space.

You found it by accident.
I didn't make a big fuss about it.
You showed it to others once.
I probably didn't make it clear enough that it is private.
You showed it to another again.
You are so begging me to be pissed off.

Like I needed one more to critic about me, my personal stuff in my own personal space.

It is MINE for ME to do what I want with. MINE.