omg. this poem that im going to post may sound disturbing to you. maybe cause it is about sexual abuse. or maybe its because i wrote it when i was shitting the the toilet. once again, i cant believe im proclaiming this to the entire world!
i was on the way to poo when i saw my brother's project on crimes. and he had complied a range of poems that were about crimes. so i got inspired and wrote one on the go. so yea.
Seeing Her Future
It was a party in that room.
The male guests never stopped coming
There were females too:
One bound to the bed, frightened,
Another at a corner.
The guys prowled, dirtied the sheets
And protected her like how her clothes did.
They came in large packs.
She fought hard, the bed screamed.
The other at a corner- sitting.
The last guest arrived and the party ceased.
He scoured the room. He was hungry.
She was a greasy smoked chicken, well-done.
Smiling, an appetite was worked up.
The other at a corner- sitting and watching.
They left the party house
With their tails between their legs.
He had fun, she had trauma, she struggled
He finished the job.
The other at a corner- sitting, watching and next
In line.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
one pink flower bandaid
people say that women forgive but dont forget. i dont like over generalisations, so i shall say that i forgive but dont forget. omg, this sounds so familial now that im typing it. maybe i've written this agnes's quote before? but anyways, as well as you treat me now, as well as i am treating you now, the awkwardness outwards is gone, but my heart still tells me to be wary cause one pink flower bandaid aint gonna cut it.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Burying is hard
Burying is hard
i felt so cold from within when the temperature was 30 degrees outside.
felt so empty in a crowded room, there wasn't you in sight.
i saw passed you, i was tra-nspa-rent, a fragment of my ima gin ati on.
i opened my mou-th to make a noise, halted by hes tit at ion.
there you were, moving on, i thought i did so too.
it was a colouful day, a vibrant one, but now its turning blue.
i drifted off into the world of electronics, while you were entrapped in another.
where was the earth, the land, the air, my friend, my buddy, my brother?
i could see your shape and you could see mine but substance was my doubt.
the frown carefully kept by a giggle, a smile, a pout.
i forced it down deep deep deep, the unknown tension has to cease cease cease.
i am on my knees begging myself to bury the hatchet please please please.
i felt so cold from within when the temperature was 30 degrees outside.
felt so empty in a crowded room, there wasn't you in sight.
i saw passed you, i was tra-nspa-rent, a fragment of my ima gin ati on.
i opened my mou-th to make a noise, halted by hes tit at ion.
there you were, moving on, i thought i did so too.
it was a colouful day, a vibrant one, but now its turning blue.
i drifted off into the world of electronics, while you were entrapped in another.
where was the earth, the land, the air, my friend, my buddy, my brother?
i could see your shape and you could see mine but substance was my doubt.
the frown carefully kept by a giggle, a smile, a pout.
i forced it down deep deep deep, the unknown tension has to cease cease cease.
i am on my knees begging myself to bury the hatchet please please please.
Saturday, June 04, 2011
performing for MOE ministers
havent blogged in quite a while. was busy with CTs and choir. performed yesterday. was sooo tired today that i feel asleep from 2++ to 7++ pm. before yesterday were all practices to learn 2 new songs in time.
i realised a very interesting thing. my choir cher did not allow me to wear my shorts with the NJ formal house tee in orchard. she didnt allow anyone to do so. she was kinda like you wear sch uniform or you wear home clothing. but of course no one wore home clothes as we met up in sch. so everyone, except those who wore sch u, were running away from her. and the unlucky few, were so unfortunate to be caught by her. she told me to put a jacket on. i dint have one, so i borrowed. but outside was like freaking hot. and i wasnt going the way my friend did, so i returned the jacket.
so she confronted me the very next day cause i was even more suay than everyone else. she saw me on the streets without the jacket. but come on! i was on the way home le! and besides aint what i was wearing like suitable for going out? i do that all the time, everyone does that! if that wasnt allowed, then students should not spend all that money on buying sch shirts cause they can only wear them to sch and after their sch term, they cannot be worn! her logic is warped.
but anyway, i explained to her, saying that my friend and i were going in different directions and she looked at me as if i was just craping some reason to patronise her. Whatever.....
kk, besides trivial stuff like that, i managed to speak to a few ministers yesterday, which was nice. they asked a few questions that kinda made me go "okay....." like when one of them asked me if we were going to sing our favourite songs, i replied, "no, we will be singing the power of the dream and auld lang syne" then she went "so they are not your favourite songs? haha" yeap.... stuff like that. i tried to turn it into some joke by saying "it can be. :)"
am excited that i can fully enjoy my holiday now, but am also worried about the fact that one week has passed. need to start studying soon or i'll do badly in my CTs after the exams. i should sleep early today cause tmr i have my singing lessons. but, i only just woke up at 7++, so am techniquely not sleepy at all now. hope i can survive tmr. *fingers crossed*
i realised a very interesting thing. my choir cher did not allow me to wear my shorts with the NJ formal house tee in orchard. she didnt allow anyone to do so. she was kinda like you wear sch uniform or you wear home clothing. but of course no one wore home clothes as we met up in sch. so everyone, except those who wore sch u, were running away from her. and the unlucky few, were so unfortunate to be caught by her. she told me to put a jacket on. i dint have one, so i borrowed. but outside was like freaking hot. and i wasnt going the way my friend did, so i returned the jacket.
so she confronted me the very next day cause i was even more suay than everyone else. she saw me on the streets without the jacket. but come on! i was on the way home le! and besides aint what i was wearing like suitable for going out? i do that all the time, everyone does that! if that wasnt allowed, then students should not spend all that money on buying sch shirts cause they can only wear them to sch and after their sch term, they cannot be worn! her logic is warped.
but anyway, i explained to her, saying that my friend and i were going in different directions and she looked at me as if i was just craping some reason to patronise her. Whatever.....
kk, besides trivial stuff like that, i managed to speak to a few ministers yesterday, which was nice. they asked a few questions that kinda made me go "okay....." like when one of them asked me if we were going to sing our favourite songs, i replied, "no, we will be singing the power of the dream and auld lang syne" then she went "so they are not your favourite songs? haha" yeap.... stuff like that. i tried to turn it into some joke by saying "it can be. :)"
am excited that i can fully enjoy my holiday now, but am also worried about the fact that one week has passed. need to start studying soon or i'll do badly in my CTs after the exams. i should sleep early today cause tmr i have my singing lessons. but, i only just woke up at 7++, so am techniquely not sleepy at all now. hope i can survive tmr. *fingers crossed*
Sunday, May 22, 2011
i don't understand
i burned. i sweat. i screamed. i threw. i hurt. i shook. i don't understand.
but even now, i need to bash something up. cause the adrenaline rush has made me hungry for blood.
but even now, i need to bash something up. cause the adrenaline rush has made me hungry for blood.
the guy who begged me not to put his name down..
someone wrote me a poem today (YAY!) cause i made him do it. Hahas. Am quite impressed myself that he could finish it within the time limit of 15mins. Poem:
Too many shadows in my room.
Too many hours in this midnight.
Too many corners in my mind.
So much to do to set my heart right.
Oh it's taking so long I could be wrong, I could be ready.
Oh but if I take my heart's advice.
I should assume it's still unsteady.
hints of emo-ism i guess. with array (pun intended) of hope. :)
ok so this asshole didnt come up with this poem himself.-.- he got it elsewhere. *roll eyes*. although he probably cant tell, cause y'know, mua is lit student, but this actually reflect what he was telling me about his life. about studying and exams.
note to self: He likes mums, kids and bosses but dogs are a no-mention.
Too many shadows in my room.
Too many hours in this midnight.
Too many corners in my mind.
So much to do to set my heart right.
Oh it's taking so long I could be wrong, I could be ready.
Oh but if I take my heart's advice.
I should assume it's still unsteady.
hints of emo-ism i guess. with array (pun intended) of hope. :)
ok so this asshole didnt come up with this poem himself.-.- he got it elsewhere. *roll eyes*. although he probably cant tell, cause y'know, mua is lit student, but this actually reflect what he was telling me about his life. about studying and exams.
note to self: He likes mums, kids and bosses but dogs are a no-mention.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Gems
Gems
You see them across the playroom.
Tiny fat lumps playing with round balls,
Innocence shone through their eyes like diamonds.
Grotesque.
You see them across the classroom.
Pearls sprouting on their faces- a fashion statement.
Gel coated heads reflected light.
Magical.
You see him across the living room.
That gold plated neck now yours.
You steel knife harvested his inner ruby.
His headlights off.
Your appetite finally satisfied.
Smile.
You see them across the playroom.
Tiny fat lumps playing with round balls,
Innocence shone through their eyes like diamonds.
Grotesque.
You see them across the classroom.
Pearls sprouting on their faces- a fashion statement.
Gel coated heads reflected light.
Magical.
You see him across the living room.
That gold plated neck now yours.
You steel knife harvested his inner ruby.
His headlights off.
Your appetite finally satisfied.
Smile.
I need a blender
and they all lived happily ever after... just that they are all living sperately.
everyone loves a happy ending. and i think i got mine as i close one chapter. the chapter that has practically consumed me. and now, i feel lost. should i be happy? or sad? confusion. but i know one thing. i am supposed to start working hard in my studies, which is not happening.
did my toenails today. i dont even know why i did it for. probably cause i was bored. but of what? i wasnt even doing anything today. despite the huge pile of homework i placed on my study table.
yesterday i talked via msn. it has been a long time since i chatted on msn. and as i described my life to the other party, i found out how extremely boring i was. a full fledge MUGGER. i need a life. my life. not the life of another, cause well, my studies cannot afford it. this doesnt really suck. but it is sian.
was chatting to forester. cool name. cute photos. ^^ he's nice. very sociable. he reminds me of what i was. the part of me i've lost. i was always the loud out-going one. attention seeking. but you change when you make friends who are luder and more out-going. you slip into quietness.
i wish this year could just zoom pass cause i dont think i can take it anymore. im feeling some sort of stress, but not enough to actually make me feel absolutely afraid. im like stuck in the middle like an apple slice in snow white's throat. i need to start working hard. and also getting a life. but i dont see how these polarities can have a good blend.
I need a blender
yes yes! put everything in.
a good mix of life is the perfect drink.
a dash of spice and a whole load of brains
and those little pills to take away the pain.
dew drop tears and volcanic lava,
prom night desses with crystal tiaras.
flowers with mud, bushes with torns,
angels with halos, and movie popcorn.
throw my friends in and family too,
my bed, my pets and even my school.
turn on a switch and get me a glass
and call 911 just in case i pass.
everyone loves a happy ending. and i think i got mine as i close one chapter. the chapter that has practically consumed me. and now, i feel lost. should i be happy? or sad? confusion. but i know one thing. i am supposed to start working hard in my studies, which is not happening.
did my toenails today. i dont even know why i did it for. probably cause i was bored. but of what? i wasnt even doing anything today. despite the huge pile of homework i placed on my study table.
yesterday i talked via msn. it has been a long time since i chatted on msn. and as i described my life to the other party, i found out how extremely boring i was. a full fledge MUGGER. i need a life. my life. not the life of another, cause well, my studies cannot afford it. this doesnt really suck. but it is sian.
was chatting to forester. cool name. cute photos. ^^ he's nice. very sociable. he reminds me of what i was. the part of me i've lost. i was always the loud out-going one. attention seeking. but you change when you make friends who are luder and more out-going. you slip into quietness.
i wish this year could just zoom pass cause i dont think i can take it anymore. im feeling some sort of stress, but not enough to actually make me feel absolutely afraid. im like stuck in the middle like an apple slice in snow white's throat. i need to start working hard. and also getting a life. but i dont see how these polarities can have a good blend.
I need a blender
yes yes! put everything in.
a good mix of life is the perfect drink.
a dash of spice and a whole load of brains
and those little pills to take away the pain.
dew drop tears and volcanic lava,
prom night desses with crystal tiaras.
flowers with mud, bushes with torns,
angels with halos, and movie popcorn.
throw my friends in and family too,
my bed, my pets and even my school.
turn on a switch and get me a glass
and call 911 just in case i pass.
Monday, May 09, 2011
ouch
i swear, there must be a metal pole of something sitting on the right side of my spine in my body..
Wednesday, May 04, 2011
SYF 2011
SYF 2011
You look ahead and see your mother.
Daddy is holding onto your waist,
Clutching it as if he meant to choke you.
Uncomfortable feeling. You shake to break loose.
You inch your way forward, alone.
You fear of falling down. You raise
Your arms for balance. Eyes focused on mama.
You inch your way forward, alone.
You hear the encouragements slowly die down.
People gossip behind you, putting you down,
Talking about how slow you are.
Your siblings are afraid you bring down the family name.
You persevered and fought on.
Tears dripped and music came out from your mouth.
And when you reach out for mummy,
Your aunt picks you up and everyone cheers.
mummy-GWH
aunt-Gold
daddy-scoldings??
siblings-teachers
family name- obviously the school
You look ahead and see your mother.
Daddy is holding onto your waist,
Clutching it as if he meant to choke you.
Uncomfortable feeling. You shake to break loose.
You inch your way forward, alone.
You fear of falling down. You raise
Your arms for balance. Eyes focused on mama.
You inch your way forward, alone.
You hear the encouragements slowly die down.
People gossip behind you, putting you down,
Talking about how slow you are.
Your siblings are afraid you bring down the family name.
You persevered and fought on.
Tears dripped and music came out from your mouth.
And when you reach out for mummy,
Your aunt picks you up and everyone cheers.
mummy-GWH
aunt-Gold
daddy-scoldings??
siblings-teachers
family name- obviously the school
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