Poland Nostalgia (10/6/13-21/6/13)

I can’t believe that 11 days have passed so quickly and I am back in the comfort of my home now. There are so many people I need to thank!!

Firstly, it has to be Mr. Yong. Thank you so much for conducting us to success! Without your magical hands, I bet we would not be able to reach our fullest potential on stage. Thank you for coming to all the practices (and there were a lot of practices) to help us prep for the competition. And thank you for the celebratory wine as well haha!! (I loved the white but the red was smooth as well.)

Secondly, a toast to Desmond! I don’t know if people really understood how much admin work this guy had to go through and how many people he had to meet to get all this done for us. I have been to 2 meetings with him and I came out both times feeling extremely lucky that I do not have so much on my plate. So cheers to Desmond! Thank you for helping us plan this thing, find funding and also researching cool and scary places to go after the competition. I also want to personally thank you for trying to cheer me up when I was feeling a tat bit down. ^^

Thirdly, our dearly beloved future generation president. Thank you, RuiXian, for leading us this whole trip. It was only a short amount of time for you to have a good grasp on the role and enacting it but you did a fantastic job. You are an inspirer and even though you don’t believe me whenever I say that, I really truly mean it. I know there were many things to coordinate throughout the trip and I would like to thank you for making this whole thing a smooth one.

Of course, our presidents were backed by good committees so I would like to thank them too. To the current one (AY2012/13), thank you for all the admin work that you had to do before our trip and to the next gen committee, thank you so much for supporting us and RX throughout it. I know there was so much work to do with the costumes and the getting us ready that you guys constantly had long meetings. Thank you so much for all that you’ve done and all the brain cells you’ve lost. (It’s ok, some of you are smart… first class brain mahs….*cough* JingJing) 
TongWei, ChoeYeen, Nissa, WenJun, DanLei, Dalton, ZhenZhe LiuFan, WenZhen

I also want to thank the music committee cause we’re awesome. For all the extra sectionals you've done to make sure we put up the best we could for all the effort you put in to ensure your members know their part.
Anabel, Ruixian and Ryan.

I know I’m getting draggy but just ignore the post if you don’t want to read on k?

A group of people that we forgot to toast the last time that I felt was sooooo important was our alumni. TengSeng, Rayne and Jameyyyy! Thank you for coming back regardless how very very very very long ago you’ve graduated; for taking time off work to sing with us; for making our journey a fulfilling one. Whooooooooooo!!!

Sops! I want to personally thank you people for being there with me in Poland. I want to thank you for sticking with me all the time, for singing so awesomely. Mama Mingmin for your words of wisdom and for correcting us when I miss out somethings. Another mama Rayne for taking care of us and helping us figure out the sarong thing. Hanna and Bianchi for helping me with the ironing of my attire cause I just suck at it. Danlei for being the most wonderful roomie ever and the random chit chat in the room while waiting for our hair to dry. :D

Ohhhhhhhhhh!!!! And my lunch and dinner buddies!! Thanks for the good food and times!! You have made these time the ultimate de-stressing times during the competition and awesome celebratory parties after!

To the choir, thank you for being there and staying with me. I know I am not the best SC of all times but thank you for the opportunity to learn and thank you for not criticizing my bad conducting. Thank you for believing in me when I take the lead before Mr. Yong comes. Thank you for taking out so much time to come for practices and giving your all. Thank you for being my friends and (omg I am going to cry…) supporting me for the whole year. Thank you for putting in the hard work together with me and celebrating our victory! First and second place yo!
Mingmin, Rayne, Hanna, Bianchi, Danlei
Jianing, Annabel, Jaslyn, Choeyeen, Jingjing, Wenzhen, Yaohe
Desmond, TongWei, ZhenZhe, RuiXian, TengSeng, James, Jeremy
Dalton, Ryan, JohnRae, JingXiang, Liufan.

Last but definitely not least, thank you baby. Thank you for taking care of me the whole time, for supporting me emotionally, for being there. Thank you for loving me and facing my bits of unreasonableness here and there. Thank you for playing along with my childishness and doing weird stuff in front of me to make me smile. And thank you for only doing those weird stuff in front of me so others don’t believe me when I tell them haha. Thank you baby, I really do love you and I am so happy and so grateful that I had you by me in Krakow, Poland.

A Zoo In My Mind

I don't quite know what I am feeling now. It’s funny how so many emotions can happen at the same time.

I love for him has increased and when he say such sweet things, it makes me feel so blessed and so thankful. I feel so close to him but the distance between us makes me feel like I need more. It’s a drug and I am sure as hell addicted. I feel so happy to have him in my life but I feel like I need more. I'm a greedy girl.

Today I realized I got recommended back to hall but the acceptance to hall is voided since I did not apply for one earlier. It was not in the terms and conditions nor known to me beforehand. I thought they were two separate systems. Anyway, I feel so happy that I got accepted yet feel that it is so wasted that it is voided. Before today I was totally fine with not getting accepted but now, I really want my hall. I am trying to file an appeal to apply now and get the hall. And I am full of hope that it will pass. I am so excited about how campus life would be for the next academic year.

I am just bursting with emotions now. So many feelings that overwhelm me yet focusing on just one are not possible. You concentrate on one topic and you have so many contradicting feelings already, not to mention two. It's like a zoo in my mind. This would actually make quite a nice poem but I am just too tired tonight to start drafting one. It is time to go nite nite.

I am your prisoner

I am your Prisoner

Chit chat chit chat…

Maybe I’ve talked too much.

Maybe you’ve talked too little.

Maybe you don’t want to speak at all.

Sing. Louder. Higher.

I hate that cord.

Let’s redefine it.

“No, it was meant to be written this way.”

Look at me.

My eyes are red with your tears and anger that hide the

jealousy that doesn’t exist.

I imprison you with chains that are my hands and they clutch

tightly to your face.

Look at me.

I’m sorry.

“I’m sorry.”

Echo is a verbal exchange of a dance

that we know by heart.

We have spoken too much

but it is never enough.

I Love you.

“I Love you.”

Our foreheads pressed against the other

but I feel beyond the physical.

I was sure, there and then,

I am your prisoner.

Life of a Chorister

My life has been revolving around choir for the past week and a few more weeks to come. It has been choir every weekday since competition is coming up. It was almost unbearable but it’s getting better.

Today, I believe we sounded the best. I think everyone was on their A game and it was actually quite fun. However, I have two issues with today.

First, our new chairperson talked about how rumours are like poison to the club. It is not said without truth but bitching is one of the few outlets we have and I don’t think anyone should remotely control our thoughts and liberty to speak. I guess all’s well if no one gets hurts (physically, emotionally and mentally). We keep it from him/her. We even tried to talk to him/her so that our instructor doesn't blow up from all that interjection. Look at where that got us- an awesome practice. However, I got to say. That person did help my section a lot when I was away. They sounded good today.

But that was the minor issue. The other one I had was with my boyfriend. He got jealous today. I’m saying it was a smile now cause we resolved it. I’m actually quite glad it came up because I get to see us both be vulnerable to each other and feel how much we both meant to the other.

I have paused here so long I decided that I wouldn't try describing it. Long story short, I can’t phantom where I would be without him.

I love you Dalton Lim. Never underestimate that.

Drink Up!

Drink Up!

Never been happier for color vision;

never been happier for coloring in a bowl

for it represents regaining life or the lack thereof.

And I’ve never been so glad for pain.

A day ago, sight was depressing

The moon mocked, the stars gossiped, the

bed disapproved, the table reminded, the food

stung, the drinks smug, the pen whispered,

the paper scorn, the people bled.

And I wept.

And I wept

because I needed fluids that sweat won’t cut.

I wept because of the act that I did, that I

consciously did, that was common and normal and

perfect in almost every other context than what I was in.

I need a drink.

My lips were cracking but I couldn’t care less.

My pair seemed to be fissuring as I was careless.

So hydrated before with his drink yet now so desiccated.

Thank god for water.

Yes, thank God.

I have no religion but I prayed.

Desperate? Yes.

The only things that got me through was his faith with me

and my faith in Him.

I pled for my ancestors to look over me and I saw no angels

with wings but I’m glad they did.

Of course, this could all be in my head.

But if anyone is up there, here is a toast.

Love you, thank you and let’s drink up!

Oh yes, make it red wine please.

My heart

It has been more than a month since I last blogged. Life’s going on pretty well though exams are coming up. School’s been busy though. At least, projects have more or less ended. Im just left with my stats project for the semester. I’m pretty scared for my upcoming exams since I don’t really have a week’s study break between academic time and the exams. But I know for sure, I want to pull up my grades or at least maintain my second upper. I’m determined.

It is 2 weeks to the 2^nd month since we got together, 1 day to the 5^th month since he confessed and about 4 months for it to be 1 year since we met. Life’s been pretty awesome. He is officially the guy that I have the longest standing relationship with and I can’t believe I still get so damn excited every single time I meet him. I don’t get why he makes me smile every time I think of him. It’s oddly irritating. I love that kid.

Who know how much time has passed since I last drafted a poem….

My Heart

My heart flutters.

Not like a dainty butterfly,

but like a buzzing humming bird.

It’s so obsessive it’s irritating.

Yet it keeps me afloat as I taste the sweet

bitterness of life,

as I wonder beyond the blue openness

and set my sights nowhere.

My heart pounds.

Not like acts of pent up emotions,

but like a covetous husband with the rhythm of ardor.

It’s so possessive it bruises me.

Yet it keeps me grounded as I taste the passionate

acidity of love,

as I wonder beyond the red openness

and set my soul nowhere else.

My heart skips.

Not like the rational lady I try to show,

but like the silly child he brings out.

My heart bares.

Not like the insecure girl I try to hide,

but like the brave woman he sees.

My heart loves

because of him.

My heart loves

because of what he is.

My heart loves

because of what he does.

My heart loves

because of how he loves me.

The Newbie in my Life

It has been quite some time since I’ve blogged cause I have been busy with well, the normal stuff, Busy with school, busy with Choir and haha... Busy with my new Boyfriend- Dalton Lim Jun Jie.

I don’t understand what is with that boy that makes me go all softie for him. Oh well, I’m not going to try cause this feeling I have now is awesome enough.

I realised that having a boyfriend really does take up quite a lot of my time. But as someone once said, "Time wasted on doing what you love is not time wasted at all". I do feel the strain and pressure to balance everything though.

Choir took up quite a lot of time to prep for our concert, which was last Friday 15/03/13. haha I got a bouquet!! Teehee. Modules of this semester are also a little harder than last sem. Moreover, I also set aside time with him. This leaves me with very little time for rest and I feel that I am feeling tired most of the time. I am currently staying in Hall 1 in school to save on travelling time. And because they can’t see me studying, my parents have set some expectations for and, of course have put much stress on, me.

However, I must say that I have quite glad with my results from my quizzes so far. But this does not mean that I have understood the chapters well. It’s a lot to take in, but I guess this is only a preview of how I should balance life and work when I get older. I used feel that a relationship may be something that holds you back since it takes up your time. But now, I believe that it is part and parcel of life. And the more you wrap your head around that idea and start managing your time properly, the better you get at ensuring that you can balance life. It is something that you have to learn and I sure am learning it now.

Talking about relationships, I am glad I found him. It seemed to require so much fate for us to meet and yet, it seems so easy. I am the first to admit that life ain't all rainbows and colours; we do have our share of fights and arguments. Sometimes, I wish he would be the bigger man and give in. I mean, I know he is giving in though it may be my fault as well but it shows that he loves me enough to do so.

But, I'm learning to compromise. I hate it, but I'm learning to cause, well...

I love him.

02/03/2013 < 3

Pushing Buttons

Pushing Buttons

Stop pushing my button-

my belly button.

It belongs to me.

Have you forgotten?

You remember the time when

it once connected us.

We shared a cord that

wrapped and strangled as I gasp.

It was snipped and we cried;

You, tears of joy.

I, tears of loss.

And to the womb I waved goodbye.

For a good decade, you held my hand

and it connected us.

We shared a bond that

made us smile and laugh and smile again.

It was relaxed and we were unaware;

You, busy with life.

I, busy planning life.

And out of your protection, the dangers I bare.

Twenty years went by so soon; too soon.

and it alerted us.

But we shared a tie that

remains even if either one was on the moon.

It was invisible and we lost sight;

You, fear of loss.

I, fear of captivity.

And I struggle hard from the restrains you hold tight.

You there! Hey! Stop pushing my button!

My belly button.

Proof of our relations.

On common ground we stand, all is forgiven.

Harbin

Day 1
I can't believe how freaking cold it is! You smoke without a cigarette, glass become opaque in the day and people are wrapped in more layers than rice dumplings. Guess what? It's not even the coldest yet! Day 2 and 3 are estimated to be the worst torture that we have bestowed upon ourselves but I pray to just survive today!

What was I thinking, coming to a place like this? Well, despite having to endure the negative degree Celsius weather, the place does show off its beauty to the fullest. Snow, a rarity in Singapore, is everywhere. The whole place coated by tiny frozen water droplets. It is breathtaking. Of course, I'd be able to soak in its glamour much better if we had better protective gear so we went to buy them at a "convenient" store. Yea. That HELPS.

Food! China's food is not bad and they have rocking xiao long bao. But airplane food.... Well, the fact that it is called "airplane food" speaks for itself.

Anyway,talking about painstakingly enduring the cold, my family had to also endure the pain in the ass that is the Shanghai customs. Apparently, the customs required us to pick up our baggage and check them in again during transit at shanghai although the label shows that they would be directly transferred to harbin. Owells, our luggage got flown over and touched down at about 11+pm (sky was pitch dark at 5pm). May tomorrow be of less hassle, less cold and more fun.

Oh, I got to admit, I miss him a lil bit. :)


Day 2
We are on our way to stay at a home in a village where the scenery is said to be awesome. The scenery on the road is quite breathtaking. Conifer trees and bare trees dot the sidewalks with snow as a constant solid background. It's too bad that the glass is frosted so bad that you just see white and brown blurs. You can only witness this beauty through the front windshield that is heated to prevent the frosty phenomenon.

Omg. We went horse sleigh riding and it. was. fun! The horses were hairy gigantic beasts that were more muscular than any guy I've seen face to face. We set mini fireworks off and it was almost a complete success if nothing did hit my face -.- We also went snow sliding. It's kinda like what we have in snow city but so much more fun. I had a blast.

Snow along the road was shin deep. You think you'll be fine stepping on it, only to find out that you fallen into its cheeky trap. You lose your balance and seek refuge with your other feet. The snow mocks you as you once again fall for the very same trick.

It is part of the experience we paid for to get "robbed" and see how robbers used to live in holes in the snow. I was fortunate enough to be the chosen one, amongst the vast number of people, to be pulled off and held hostage with a knife at the back of my neck. And how much more luck can you get to be the chosen one twice? I whined during the second time and the "robber" laughed before letting me go.

The whole place was like Narnia before the siblings came but with a joyous atmosphere. It was as if a authoritarian mine took over and dictated for all things to be white and brown. You see colour only when you look into the frozen pond, which is surrounded with more snow. It is interesting to see how different the result is when tiny water droplets freeze together and when tiny frozen water droplets clump together.

As we approached our destination at the top of the mountain, the severity of frost was evident. Fog formed from my breath was freezing up on my glasses. It was almost impossible to see where I was going. Snow was almost as tall as I was. Just as I thought we were never going to find an oasis of heat, we reached our destination. The people were lovely and they taught me how to make dumplings from scratch. Awesome. Maybe I'll make some for him next time...haha...if I succeed.


Day 3
Note to self: sleeping on a hardwood bed is not a fun experience.

I woke up with a aching pain in my back and probably slightly swollen eyes from the lack of sleep. The temperature is about 28-30 degrees below zero but it felt warmer than yesterday. This is probably because I am slowly getting accustomed to the weather. After washing up with icy cold water, we head out to play in the snow.

The snow was more than waist deep and a funny sight to watch one try to get up after falling in. We rolled around in it, throw snow whatever-shapes at each other and took photos like our lives depended on it. My glasses frosted so bad, I ditched them. My eyelashes were dotted with ice droplets from my breath. I have become one with the snow.

Yea, of course that is only my own thoughts. The weather thought differently and brought upon wind. Wind is a terrifying element that shows as much mercy as a tornado does to a herd of unsuspecting cows.

We spent the rest of the day traveling towards Chang bai shan. Omg. It was a literal pain in the butt. I slept through all that I can and was left with counting the minutes on the bus. Today is officially the longest one yet.

After 10 hours of a grueling ride, we finally reached out hotel. The comfortability of the rooms makes it so worth it. The toilet was just plain bliss.


Day 4
It snowed!!! Omg you have no idea how excited we were. It was awesome. Snowflakes brought me into a korean drama and I found myself sticking my tongue out to taste nature.

We ventured to the top of the mountains as the snow grew heavier. In case you are wondering, snow does come down as huge white balls. The tiny almost-microscopic flakes flies everywhere like a lost bumble bee till it finds the best flower to reside on. Wind grew stronger and snowflakes quickly became bullet pellets that I fear.

It was crazy at the top. The wind was merciless to the point that I felt like a human kite on a string. You were blown to whichever direction the wind permits and you lose most control of your feet. It wasn't long till I found myself on all fours.

After a horrible experience of being "pushed around", we went on to look at the waterfall. If you think watching free flow of water pouting down from a great height is flabbergasting, just imagine the stretch of water frozen stiff. Yet, water underneath is still pouring so you see this magnificent ice sculpture with the trickle of water sounds.

After enjoying the weather, we went for some hot stuff- BBQ Lunch. It was fun and awesome. The one downside I'd say is that most of the food was spicy and I ended lunch with a very very sore mouth. When lunch ended, we pretty much had nothing on anymore so we went shopping and that's about it.


Day 5
Skiing! We went skiing today and it was awesome for those who actually have a flair for the sport. I had nothing more than a tiny speck of natural talent. I skied, tumbled, rolled, fell and enjoyed making all sorts of shapes with the snow. Hahaha. My butt hurts even now and I thrashed my sunglasses. Thank god I chose to wear my contacts rather than specs today. Skiing. Is. Tiring.

After trying to use the hand and leg muscles that I do not possess, we went for a treat at the spa. It was so awesome. Awesome awesome awesome. For the first time, we are experiencing heat here. It was fun as we played games to get ppl to go into the cold pool haha. It's funny to see others squirm.

I texted him yesterday night and it felt good ^^ awww...


Day 6
Today we did a little exploring at the Chao Xian Zu's place. Their customs are very similar to the Koreans even though they are from china.

After which we went to Wu song dao for another night on a charcoal bed. Food there was good and their fish was great. To think the fish was from the same river as the diner that we went to a few days back. The only difference was the fish at the diner were 5 times bigger and definitely much more expensive.

It seems as though we were cursed. We went to Xue Xiang at its coldest, we went to Chang Bai Shan when the wind was at its peak and now we are at Wu Song Dao on the coldest day it has ever experienced. I do hope charcoal is enough to keep us warm. The good news is that there is wifi and I found myself whatsapping away with him.

It was an eventful night as I saw my glass fill up time and again with wine and beer. We chatted through the evening till we had to shut up because the owners had to sleep.


Day 7
The charcoal was nowhere enough and we woke up with a lousy start as the water taps stopped working. My deduction is that the water probably froze inside. We ended up having to scramble for any water we have with us to wash up.

It was too early to wake up. I couldn't believe that I was waking up at times earlier than when I had to for school. But the scenery was magnificent. The trees were white with ice and snow. This is a sight you don't see when the sun starts to rise.

We took a boat to sail across the river. The icy cold river. You could see the boat breaking through the ice leaving chunks of white rocks floating in the midst of the transparent waters. At the snow covered island, it was tiring to even walk on as snow was shin deep. It was a pain to raise and step and raise and step. A good morning work out that I didn't sign up for. It was just an awesome view to see the sun rise there. Just awesome.

When we got back, our feet were freezing and our hands were numb but our complains soon faded as we saw a monk come in. He had stepped into the water and the water froze. It had to be extremely hard to struggle back to the home motel. Without proper gear, he had caused his limbs bad protection from the cold. Everyone was busy rubbing snow on his hands and feet to save them. If they cannot be saved, he was facing amputation. His limbs were white. Totally white with no signs of blood flow. His skin was peeling and it just looked painful. Fear coated his face as he thought about any unpleasant outcomes.

I looked back and realised that I played with the water as well. Itchy legs decided to test the ice and it went click click click squish. That was when I went shit... Thankfully, no water seeped in and my feet are perfectly fine if not feeling the minus 30 deg cold.

As we exchanged final goodbyes on whatsapp, I left for Harbin once again. It is said that this time, Harbin is even colder than places we've been to. I hope I can make through this merciless winter.


Day 8
So you would think that we wouldn't dare go near waters anymore after yesterday's incident. Well, we went to have fun not by, but on, the Wu Song river today. It was frozen stiff and you could see ships parked right beside where you were playing.

There was a gigantic ice slide, some weird sitting-down dragon-ski, top whipping on ice and winter swimming. Omg, you should have seen those guys in their swimsuits jumping into the water that was simultaneously freezing up into ice. It was a nice miniature themed park.

After the enjoying ourselves at this miniature themed park, we went on to play at the ice castle. It was beyond magnificent. The whole place was carved with ice. You slide on ice. You drive on ice. You climb on ice. You walk to ice.

You may think that ice itself is enough to create this dreamy vision of the place. Now imagine light in those ice. Imagine coloured lights that gave the whole place life and vigor. Awesome awesome awesome view.


Day 9 & 10
Shopping all day!


Day 11
Time to get back to Singapore. I'm filled with mixed feelings. Two days ago, I was missing playing at the beach. Now, I don't even know if I can survive under the air condition there.

It is cold traveling to the airport at 4+am in the morning. We tried to put on lesser clothing on so as to attempt to survive the first heat wave at Changi. It is a sleepy nolstalgic morning.

you...

You go into a relationship pretty quick. You were lonely. Are you lonely now? You told me you weren’t. Could it be sub conscious? How special am I actually? I feel like a number in a queue sometimes. I feel the need to pull out- out of your arms. I got to be special. Your impulsive acts scare me. I know you’re dedicated. But am I just an impulsive decision? Would this fade away? I wonder how much I feel for you too. Is it just a tingle? You feel like a great friend. Could this open up doors to more? I can’t see it. I really don’t. Maybe you and your numerous experiences aren’t the problem. Maybe it lies with me. Maybe I am lonely. Maybe you are a number in a queue. I don’t want you to be. What I feel for you… it comes and goes, I feel. I don’t know why. I’m not trying to play with you, like how I’ve done to others before. I am trying very very hard to feel something more. I am. Trying. Really hard. Maybe it shouldn’t be so hard. But I want to give it a shot. I don’t want to walk away not knowing if we could have worked. But I don’t want to walk away later, breaking your heart, telling you that it’s not going to work either.