New attempt!

We Are Young/Hey Soul Sister

Novice with some adjustments

So I got a few comments with my first arrangement of "If I ain't got you". This is my adjusted one. Hope it sounds better (and definitely less boring!)

Amazing saturday

Choir outing was really fun. Got to know a few more juniors and had a great time with friends.

ONE concert reminded me what we should strive for. Probably should not have let my expectations drop that far. One thing I feel we have over them was feeling. The last song was grand beyond compare though.

It was a blast at Timbre. Started off rocky with a totally unnecessary hiccup but awesome night nonetheless. Got meself a few free shots, courtesy of the cute bartender there.

Same touch, no longer weird. Maybe talking was good. Got really bad when it happened but it seems worth it now.

It was a day without worries. Amazing.

Burnt

Burnt
You and I, both volatile.
What were we thinking?
Something. There must have been something
that drew us together like a moth towards the light.
You were mesmerizing,
as long as I didn't look into your eyes,
and I'm sure I was too.

It was ecstasy with you,
as long as I didn't care for anything you.
Like giant fires of passion,
we gravitated towards each other.
You and I, by leaps and bounds.
It was like we were one body.

But that's just it.
We were one body and just the body.
Nothing more but we needed nothing more.

We were so close. So close we clashed so
ever uncomfortably.
Burning each other. Scalding our souls.
That was for questioning more.

Scarred, we dare not venture to further premises again.
All burnt out now, the smoke so suffocating and dark.
There is no more light to guide our way.
I can hardly look at myself.

Alone

Alone
The loneliness is driving me crazy.
Life has no color.
Hell, it's not even a silent movie.
Everything has just been reduced to nothing.

I stand in the middle and there is just nothing around me,
mirroring all the crazy thoughts and feelings inside.

I am not numb.
I feel empty.

My heart sinks and sinks and sinks.
I wonder what it would be like in the palm of my hand?
Could I speak to it? Is it still alive?
Could it listen?
I have been listening hard to it but it makes no sound.
The general of the army, that is the whole of me,
has gone down.

Every soldier lost. Gossips everywhere but
I hear nothing.
I stand in the middle and there is just too much going on,
mirroring all the crazy thoughts and feelings inside.

I am not empty.
I feel alone.

A way

I need to find a way out of this overwhelming nothing.

Wicked

My stomach in knots; my gut, wrenched. I've never felt like a more awful person. How could anyone, anyone, in the right mind let go of someone who has loved them more than I could fanthom? Before him, I have never seen pain in so much light. His face burning up to a brilliant red. His lips quivering as his soft spoken words flow out like melody from a lark. I could feel his hand on my cheek and how could I?! How could I have been so wicked and horrible. I'm incorrigible. How could someone who wants to hold him in my arms say those mean words to him? How can I live with this? He loved me

He loved me with all his heart. I can see it in his face. His need to make this all better. For my happiness, he gave up his. For my happiness, I gave up his. Selfish. Selfish. Selfish! There was nothing on my face. It was blank. No emotions. Nothing. Cold heartless bitch. I didn't have the decency to cry. I do not deserve him. He loved me. He loved me. He loved me. 

I wish I could have given him a pill or a shot or any miracle to make him forget about me. I do not want him to hurt. He should be carefree and happy and getting on with life. But he is not. And it is because of me. I did this to him. I broke him. How can I hurt him so badly when all he ever did to me was the exact opposite - love. What a witch! The universe works in mysterious ways. 

He took me soaring through the clouds and he never let me go. He brought me everywhere e imagined. We had so many experiences and so many memories together. Now those memories cut through him like shurikens of the sky. He shouldn't have to endure this. We cut off his wings and now, I'm falling as well. 

Closed Doors

It has been forever since I blogged. I am starting to miss my Singapore life quite badly - I miss my family, my boyfriend, my friends, my school, my choir, my piano. I miss my support structures, especially since my "roomie", Clara, is off on holiday. It's quiet and lonely here alone over the weekend. I need music. Or a poem.

Closed Doors
Fly with me, my darling.
I want you to feel the freedom that is
so precious nowadays.
Feel the wind on your face; the wind
you create from your speed.
You are in control now. I am going to let go.
Fly, my darling.

Enjoy it - the immense pleasure.
It is all so dreamy and woozy and just magnificent.
You are magnificent.
I am magnificent. This feeling... it is... remarkable
to say the least.
Breathe in the air, my darling.
Let it fill your lungs. Your red bloody lungs that thump with your bloody red heart.
Feel the adrenaline. Stupendous.
Feel the rush. Feel every blood vessel dilate.
Let's get higher.

Push, my darling.
Push it through. Soar.
Clench your muscles, they are intensified.
No one can see you in this night sky.
You are in space with the stars.
Gaze. They are like fireworks all around you.
Yes, the feeling. This feeling bursts from within.
You feel it on-, in-, under your skin. Whatever.
You don't give a fuck.
Just let yourself go.

Gasp. You gasp and the sun smiles at you warmly.
Time to go home, my darling,
open your eyes.

The mask dictates

The mask dictates
"May I go out?" Stay in, bastard child.
Hide in the shadows. The light is not for you.
You will meet no one. No one.
No one will ever know you exist.
No one will ever hear your voice.
You are nothing.
Go back to your corner and cover your face.
You sicken me.
Move along now.

"Do you love me?" Of course I do.
You embarrass me. Move your ass else I'll kick you.
And shut your face.
Do not talk to me. Turn away.
Your eyes, so innocent, has seen more evil than
any putrid smiles. Trust no one.
Only I can protect you.
Now put on this veil.

"Why do I hide?" To save our face.
Think of what happens when people lay eyes on a bastard
like you? So useless. So unwanted. So incapable
of anything in this world.
This wonderful world is filled with laughter.
Are you happy? I thought so.
Bastards do not have a hint of bliss in them.
You do not belong.
Keep still now or I'll slap your cheek and chain you up.

"Do you want me?" Get down.
You need a whipping to learn your place.
Yes, you will learn like how you have been.
Every lash will let you grow.
It is your food. It is your water.
You crave it, don't you child? "Yes Mam."
Get down. Cover up those scars.
I don't want to see them.
They are disgusting.
You disgust me, love.

Back to the corner. Crawl, if you can.

Good girl. I'll put on your favorite song.
Melancholy, isn't it?
Hum it for me at the back of my head.
That's nice. You are a sweet little thing.

A penny for my thoughts

Arrived in Maastricht about a week ago now. The small town is nice but I still problems navigating. The red bricked houses all seem like the same to me and every corner I turn is just a replica of the previous one. I like the ambiance the place gives off though. There is a flair to it. Although trees are mostly bare, blooming flowers can be seen in pots near every other window. The barren tops make the bushes and the grass seem so much greener with so much more life.

It is cold. It is not bone shivering ice age here but it is cold. A sweater does not suffice during the night but a beanie and scarf may be an overkill during the day. The breeze when I stroll down the blocks freezes my ears but tickles my cheeks. The weather and I... We do not have a love-hate relationship but rather a like-dislike relationship.

I've grown slightly accustomed to the calcium-rich water here. I don't mean this in the good way. I very much prefer my bottled water but the upkeep is just way too high. I'll probably buy my water for when I venture out. After I finish my last bottle, I'll just keep to tap.

I miss home. I really miss the easily accessible food there and the cheap everything. But I miss my family. I feel like I'm growing to be independent now but I'd like to have them around. Everything I do here is based on my conscious decision. I haven't asked for much advice except for money matters from my parents so far. I miss them. I miss my boyfriend too. I wished he was here with me. I see my friends who have their partners here and I wished he was here. Then again, I wouldn't have the opportunity to really be independent if he were.

Today, I just had my first lecture and I realised how much work is actually expected of me. I hope I can catch up with the Dutch peeps who have been doing this since their first semester. I want to excel, not pass. I want to succeed.