Train breakdown

There was an accident that caused delay in the trains today, especially the ones going to JE I arrived there and it was such a spectacular sight!! Did you ever realise how awesome the whole station looked when decorated with 500 ppl?

Imagine the whole platform just swarmed with ppl whom you are lucky to get brushed and nudged as you walk through. The escalators are down and poor commuters are stuck on it as they can get to the platform nor the station below. Awesome right?

Now picture everyone of them with frowny faces. Every one of them. Don't you think it's such a rare sight? I mean how do you get EVERYONE to be sporty an participate in this let's-frown-together activity?

What an enriching experience to kick start my morning!!

Ball game with the king

Ball game with the king

I have been forgetful lately,

Forgetting what you said

And forgetting to apologize

For forgetting what you said.

So I'm here now to say I'm sorry,

But you didn't have to be so rude

To cut me off right in the middle,

Acting high, mighty and good.

So oh your majesty, please forgive me;

For all I have sinned.

Yet, please too explain to me

Why you made such a din.

For the solution was quite simple

And the problem did no harm

Unless, I'm guessing, you've got something to hide,

Or someone you didn't want to alarm.

But it ain't up to me to speculate

So I'm still here, Your Loftiness.

Yet I want to make it clear that

I'm no pushover, stateliness.

The game you play 's in my territory;

I am an expert at it.

And if you end up at the wrong side of the court,

I swear you'll concede defeat.

Brace yourself

Haven't blogged since forever and I really need a channel for my feelings recently. I have gotten over the fact that my results could have been better and am actually quite satisfied now since I've gotten an UNi offer already. But still, I have to admit that the occasional boasting of my friends on fb still drives me nuts then and there.

My moodiness now turns to work, especially today. It was the cold war. Well, not really. Tensions were present and lost in a matter of minutes but bitching was a significant part. I don't even know where it came from. And maybe it was the enhanced effect from the combination of PMS and the hectic work life, but I am totally drained emotionally. I don't understand how ppl are so different from the ppl whom I hang out with. I mean I am growing to realise that some ppl just want to make comments just for the sake of making comments without even giving thought of what others would feel. I used to think that if you had smth good to say, it's alright to say it to the person but if it ain't, especially of its on such superficial stuff, why tell the person?? I mean, I see my colleagues commenting on hair and clothes and appearance. It comes across very superficial to me. Depth. Depth.

And then another big thing that is going on is the lack of doing work of some and the über hardworkingness of some that has caused a huge hooha. I used to think that helping one another out to be smth that comes natural. And I feel that this environment has changed me as ppl just are not in the same thinking as me. I remember one gloating about how he/she has finally served one after so long. Seriously? You're gloating about that? Anyway, I've learnt to moderate what I do (though I'm not proud of it) And the unhappiness is now on others who feel te injustice.

Ppl are finally voicing out their concerns. and ppl are leaving the workplace one by one, either by their own wish or against. Those who stayed had to prove that they knew what they were doing. I don't know if it was in my blood or what but the test I took it quite seriously even though I didn't study. I checked it twice ( like Santa) and tried to clarify the doubts after the test was returned. Apparently no one was quite interested in that. I mean I wanted to learn. Butppl don't seem too keen.

Anyway, enough about work. On a happier note, I have found this new series called once upon a time. Awesome show though a little scary at times. Owells. Time for bed. Jiayou Agnes. Brace yourself.

Perfect imperfections

Perfect imperfections

There is something, I swear,

that is the size of a tic-tac.

Tiny. Real tiny, yet so powerful.

It overwhelms me and swallows

me whole as if I were nothing.

Nothing.

It wasn't supposed to hurt so bad.

It wasn't supposed to hurt at all.

But I was there and she was there.

They were there too and it happened.

The world enclosed and I was the

only one with the subtle screaming

of my heart as my hands caressed

the unique texture of my result

slip.

I had planned to be pleasantly surprised.

This was not expected. No.

"If only I had another A, I'd be

satisfied". Yea right. If I had

another A, I would have asked for

another. Now I'm left feeling beaten

down over something as small as

a tic-tac.

What am I going to do now? Dates are

passing without waiting for me. Cruel

cruel time. The independent being.

I do not want to diminish

the meaning and significance of the

Harikiri, but I feel as though I

somewhat understand how much

shame can influence you.

That much.

What I cannot comprehend is my

inability to let this go. Everything

seems so surreal. Not a dream

but a figment of my imagination.

It is coming across as if providence

doesn't exist.

This is ironic, I guess, since I'm

agnostic. I've never shied away

aggressively from religion. I believe

I've probably been waiting for

something that would convince me

totally. This isn't it.

But who am I kidding? I wouldn't

have been urged towards God

if I had done well either. I'm

in a mess.

I just wish someone would tell

me what to do, that is,

of course, in accordance to what

I want.

I know I am going against the

norm all because I am afraid.

I am afraid that I cannot make it

to the norm; that I cannot make it

in the norm; that I cannot make it

out of the norm.

And, I guess, what I really

fear is that I would be part of

the norm and un-special.

I didn't stand out this time

and so I need to rectify that

by coming back with something others do not have due to the

very fact that they were better

than me in this horrid play

of fate.

I have to go overseas and be

different. My parents do not

understand my burning need

to be apart from everyone.

The more my mum tells me about

being like the rest, the more

agitated I get by the fact that

I was going to end up as a

robot of this society.

Studying abroad gives me the

opportunity to be different from

the society there and allows me

to be differentiated from the

rest of the people that the

Singapore education system tries to

produce.

Looking at a self-portrait of myself

now. It is a little bit deformed, due to

my lack of artistic- genius genes,

and it looks a tat bit abstract.

The fake smile; the sad eyes.

The nose looks perfect though.

As a whole, that picture is indeed,

perfect.

That's what I need to be now.

I am a little bit disoriented, I admit.

However, I need to put on a smile

to hide my crying emotions and

carry on with life. I'll let my

nose lead the way; make the

necessary decisions now and

wait for the next miracle to happen.

A level results

Recieved my results yesterday and am feeling beaten down today. They were not necessarily atrocious but the significant lack of As are sinking my emotions. Fuck everything man.

Sayonara vieil ami!!

It's not that I do not like you, or despise you, or hate you. It's more of me just not feeling as comfortable as I feel I would want to be when I'm around you. We are just not of the same kind. You probably feel the same. I know you may not hate or dislike me. I mean, why would you?? I saved your ass before and had to sacrifice my own opportunities to do so. You, by hell, should be grateful. We are of different breeds. You being the more independent, loud, and crazy. Me being the more relying, loud and crazy. My kind, we move in packs and never leave one behind. I'm sure you don't understand this. I don't judge you. You don't have to do so too, in my face with all those innuendos. Let's keep our space, least we clash outright and it would be like sec2 all over again. It's the order of things. being solo, I see that you have the advantage in winning friends over; not forgetting another extra boost by coming in as buy 1 get 2 free. Your influence is impeccable. Showing the rest how to ditch another when one is in desperate times and rubbing it in to show one's helplessness; weakness. My friend came through for me and i finally felt a sense of relieve ever since you took away my original plan. Yet, you still managed to make it a bad thing for me to trouble my friend, emphasising how you wouldnt even make your bf do that. Dearie, my friends are awesome and you just are not as fortunate to enjoy these kind of genuine friendship. But anyway tmr's your last day. Can't wait to see how life would differ and can't wait for your presently return after half a month. You know I don't hate you, bitch. But still, sayonara vieil ami!!

My thoughts on 步步惊心 theme of dreams

Decided to blog about a rather famous or popular drama series that have been showing recently- 步步惊心. I am still in the midst of enjoying the show but I've gotten random comments and description of the ending. Personally, I feel that a theme is more of dreaming rather than transcending time. That is, well from what I gathered about the ending. My comments shall be very personal and not at all absolutely right.

The play (I guess) bespeaks of the ability of one to manipulate ones dreams as well as the lack of control one feels in the surreal world. Her (lead actress' character) ability to control is seen through choice. Her choice of who she knows, who she is close with, who she falls in love with, her status etc. For example, she chooses which princes she knows on a personal level. She chooses them as they are the ones who have left a significant mark in history. The crown prince, the next emperor, the respected 8th prince, the goofy one, the chief commander and of course, a good looking one who shares her views so that she doesn't feel so lost in an era that does not belong to her.

She also chooses to be able to gain the respect of many, including high ranking persons such as the emperor himself. She chooses to be caught in the dilemma between two great catches, both of which are awfully fond of her. So between the two, who should she pick? The future emperor ofcourse. The final act of control lies in her impactful death.

The lack of control in ones dream is also shown through instances such as the inevitable end of her not being able to marry her "lover" and the earlier deployment as a palace laundry woman. The fear and anxiety she feels while serving his majesty, as shown through the diagnosis of the imperial doctor, also mimicks the feeling of a "mini heart attack" a normal person may sometimes encounter in his sleep.

I'm not criticizing the playwright as a professional critic or as a literature student. I am just giving my humble opinions on what I feel is a clever use of dreams. For all you know, this may not have even crossed the playwriter's mind. Just giving a penny of my thoughts here. It is still quite a moving show that I believe is worthy to watch. :))

Poor little juniors

Went back to NJC today and saw how stressed out my juniors were. I'm so carefree now that I forgot how it was like when I was in their shoes. I remember being in the exact same predicament- some times fighting, some times in tears. Poor little things. I wish there was something I could do to help them. Owells, all the best dearies!! Gambate and kick ass!!

Sims

Am really bored tonight. Have absolutely nothing to do. Was watching tv since I reached home and I think I've somehow grown roots that are attached to it. Nothing brain stimulating tonight either so right now I'm just a floating entity, well, more of a lazing-on-the-sofa entity. Bored to the max. Maybe I should try concocting another poem. But that would mean needing inspiration, which right now is at level zero.

Tmr is v day and I've nvr actually thought about for the past few years. V days always seem to come and go fairly quickly. Some times they bring a little bit of surprises here and there. But this year is a little different. I think it's probably due to the fact that Ive nothing to do that I'm actually seeing the days go by for v day to approach. A new experience indeed. I'm not going to condemn v day like others who may not be able to find their other half cause I know that if I'm attached, sure as hell am I going to rock the freaking day with him.

Wonder if I'll get anth special from anyone this year. I doubt so though. No more sch = no more childish sch boy crushes = no more prezzies that are given with high hopes that would most likely end in low spirits. Owell, at least I can say I have already received one. But that doesn't count and it's a pain to recite the entire story again, so I shall just leave it as that.

Am still really bored and am trying to make the best of talking to complete strangers who may stumble upon my blog. I'd try writing a poem now, just to prevent my brain from degenerating too much. But I guess it may just be a huge exaggeration with little realism and verisimilitude since I do not feel anth passionately right now.

Sims- lack of control

Ctrl alt del. The whole world pauses.

I stare into blank space and time just freezes.

Well, my time at least. the numbers in the bottom

Right hand corner are still jumping. But I froze.

It was so awkward. He was just standing in front

Of me in my apartment, after watering my plants in my garden,

And I had just woke up from my power nap.

He was so close to me. Blue eyes, sharp nose, jet black hair.

I know man was created before women but I have this gut feeling

That he was modeled after me. I see the dirt on him.

He needs a shower. And I, needed to pee.

I see him staring at me too. He was either too captivated by my sexy outfit

Or was paused that way.

Play. I could finally feel my limbs again.

But I had hardly any control over it as I throw myself

Upon his filthy body again and again and again

Until my relationship status leveled up. That was when I realized

We were a couple. I then put on my happy face as I went out to pat my dog

And he went to the bathroom for a good wash.

Onward and upward

It has been forever since I've met you. It's like I've forgotten how much fun it used to be between us. Yesterday I had the taste of it and I am confident of the reason why we were such close friends in the first place. We just get each other and as much as I want to distance myself for my safety, something tells me that leaps of faith are important. I miss hanging out with you and I promise to do whatever I can to let this friendship go onward and upward if you promise to do the same.