Missing the feeling of hating love

Missing the feeling of hating love
I have always been skeptical about many things.
Skeptical of this, skeptical of that,
yet until now, I still do not know what skeptical really means.

Recall the endeavors behind my moon;
every struggle so fancifully dined,
cocktails of poison so carefully concocted.
But I survived.

I survived by making myself survive.
The power all in my hands
to crush everything in my way-
(who am I kidding?)

I was never in favor.
Of jealousy and envy and
of pure dislike.
But I knew I was the middle class,
I was adroit.
And the cherry on the sundae,
was the love of young boys' hearts
Devoured!
Leaving only the branched skeleton.

Similarly now, but
I am on the other side.
Never liked love still,
Never loved one.
Full of envy and jealousy,
still disliked, yet as clever as a mad cow eating mead.
Self pity is ambivalent.

The pleasure of seeing a young boy's heart served
never appeared recent,
till here.
Why don’t I love one?
Why does it not skip a beat for any?
Conscience,
never thought I had it,
dug its way out of grounds to me.
Can’t slap a heart off the platter and smear it with feetsweat anymore.

I am no longer up there on the throne.
Just a lonely peasant,
feeling sad to say no
to a farmer's boy.

sick

slept at 6.30pm yesterday. woke up at 8am today. what sickness can do to you is amazing...

he's nice, but...

ok, so exams comming... just like every other time, me have high aims, low expectations, still slacking, should start working but not working, cross fingers and wack. loads of stuff to do, but cant start since its friday = rest day.

everyone needs a rest day. its important. anyone who doesnt have it, need to have a life. life is important. it keeps us living, so my bio teachers say. i guess its true. dead people dont have a life, thus they do not live. im blabbering now. shall move on.

today was techniquecally mostly quite fun. everything seems to be like how i want it except for one tiny little thing. my PW teacher is starting to piss me off. not that he is a bad person, but the way he carry himself and his utter lack of knowledge of the requirements of PW.

it was a total waste of 1hr and 15mins with him today.
number #1: berated our project in front of the class without asking. the berating part im ok with, but the permission lacking part of it, i dont feel too positive about.
number #2: like to talk about things that are irrelevant such as playing soccer, eating, his wife, his life, etc etc.
number #3: wasting precious time by repeating and repeating and repeating everything that ms moureen ng said in the 15mins she used. oh, and counts 22 uneeded words of the 3000 word limit. all BECAUSE he knows nothing that is required of us!! (ms ng contradicted so many things he said!)
number #4: keeps a flippant attitude towards his reservice doing us all a DISservice!

i want to get an A. he's a nice guy. but this "nice" attitude, with nice being the MOST insincere word in the dictionary, i highly doubt he has the ability to get me there. consulting other teachers, in my point of view, is a must now.

can i have a change of teacher to a more experienced one? cause im not so trusting to my teacher who has PW in its infancy stage.

first day of school or last day of survival?

OMG i cant believe im still up at 11++ doing homework. of course im doing my holiday homework, but i did have to do new homework set today and due tmr morning assembly. how nice right? talk about transition period. no, just come to school happy, energised, yet to be slapped in the face with cold reality that promos and comming and im lagging like shit. so much homework... im drowning!!

GP: esaay outline.... and summary of main points of EVERY para and metatextual questions for TWO compre. how to finish by today since tommorow is just 40mins away. this sucks. i still have to sit for my makeup timed compre i missed today, i think. argh... back to attempting to complete my homework.

sorry

you may have think i've forgiven you. but i cant just forget all that you've done to such a good friend of mine. i dont think you should expect all that a good friend should do from me. your sms yesterday hit me, but i cant cant make myself reply you. no, not to the 2nd sms. the first? well, i could. but i was tired and it dint occur to me to reply straight away "like a friend would", as you said it. i cant forget it. i'll treat you as a friend, i may think otherwise. yes, im a hyprocrite. but i really cant. my girlfriends mean too much.

Life

LIFE
its all about keeping your hopes and dreams alive
through love and pain; laughter and cries
holding onto faiths when dealing with reality
making new friends, embracing love and family

dont know why im writing this poem
guess i was bored from reading top woman
the throught struck my head while i was lying on my bed
and thus i decided that i should create

to talk about life and all its misgivings
all the great things which education is missing
all the set backs which we have to take
all the hard decisions which we have to make

but to just say this is an understatement
dont you remember the great big agreement?
that for every sucky thing, there will be one awesome
for every delicious, there will be one grossome

so with obstacles, there will be friends
whose helping hands would be glad lend
and family who will be there always
supporting through night and encouraging through day

so there's nothing to fear when facing life
no need to retreat, be angry or sigh
so stand up straight and aim for mars
shine down the spotlight and you're a superstar

my cleaner friend

ok, today's post's intention is abit different from any of my posts ever since i started this blog. today's post is due to the pressure from a friend. this friend is very special. he helps to keep our sch canteen clean by wiping one part of one table everyday early in the morning. he is super mugger and makes me feel like the ultimate slacker ever. yet, today i saw another side of him during bio concentration camp. hahas. dont want to say it least he kills me (though i think this para is sufficient to boil his blood). and in order not to embarass him in this blog, i shant announce that his name is WEE BOON. ;) *winks*

ps. pun in title

im complicated

im complicated? i just do stuff, some which i let you see on purpose and some i dont. i say stuff, some which are real and some, not lies, but unreal. i do nothing but stare at you to make you think of alot more than you should. i raise a hand and you just imagine how surreal this is. im walking nowand your mind goes bonkers by thinking of what i will do next. i still dont say a word and yet you look like you're about to pull out your hair. i move closer and you cant breathe. i move away and you feel grieved. i swagger away, leaving you with nothing.

ok, if you think that this para had any significance to my life, you're wrong. well, a bit right. the feeling you get is right. actually, its not. the first sentence is a right question. i have no answer to that, unfortunately. i just happened to want to pen that down. is that how you feel? did i depict it correctly? (with you being a specific group of people) (and i being i, although the i in the para is another specific group of people)

wowz

ok.... i was about to write the blog about the big revealation i had today after sleeping till noon, but i just had to receive a call so timely to do the WR.... how nice. so i guess i shall stop here and get to things.