Avant garde amigos

there was nothing more to say. my mouth shut. eyes glisten. not a sound, except of the tiny squeals your eye makes when irritants falls into place and the silent splash of rainwater on your shoulder that falls from below the top of your head.

3months have zoomed past and i still cant believe that im being forced into seggregation with them. the people who are so important to me. who lives in my heart. and who are the few who can mend the cracks they cause, everytime a goodbye is heard.

sunday was the most relaxing day i had in months. everything went really well, almost eveerything. we went to play pool at doby gout (aiya, i dont take MRT de. dont know how to spell-.-) I hit in 6 out of 8 balls!! but called for the wrong hole for the *8* ball.arghs. blehz. then went to go make beads..... paid 12 bucks for everything. it was quite worth it. damn fun, yet strenuous, yet worth for the intention of making a present for a bdae boy.

later went to bdae boy house to celelbrate his bdae with his family. how cool is having your bdae on the same day as your dad?! ate a slice of coffe cake and then head my way home with 2 body guards as usual.

i miss hugging my girl friends.
i miss putting my head down onto the 11 x2 avaliable shoulders.
i miss losing at pool to nick.
i miss dressing up with sheng ying.
i miss the guy who loves the same color as me!
i miss calling wei hong, wei jie, jason, jarin OLD
i miss teasing roger.
i miss my lao gong!!
i miss the little boi boi whom sa jiao to me.
i miss the one i used to play under table leg games with.
i miss calling the smartie an alien.
i miss my red hot tomato who acts like she's much mature. :-*
i miss the guy with the damn good arm muscle.
i miss the guy with the damn good leg muscle.
i miss snatching jiemin's homework away from her, just so that everyone can play without feeling guilty

aint no shoulders to sleep on anymore. aint no bodyguards to send me home. aint no hugs with warmth and love. aint no teasing and tickles. da xiao jie no longer feels like one. disappearing, i feel. relived it once on sunday. but many more days to go missing again.

为了你们，我会试着努力地把眼泪藏起来。为了我，请在我没法忍住时回头，假装什么都没看见。因为我们的关系太宝贵了，绝不能让让人心碎的泪水给洗掉。不管分离有多么的痛苦，我还是要和你们见个面。原因，相信，大家都自知之明。

you guys are the ones who can break my heart and i can still love you with all the little peices.

love you

nothing much to bitch about today. just spent a whole lot time on lit and am damn tired. luckily i slept in the afternoon for an hour. today i was quite pissed. probably cause of a girl thing... hahas. coincidentally i watched smth on it today on according to jim. hahas. weird.

chatting with bryan now... like usual.... at this time of the week. hahas. was trying to explain why he should not piss me off today or for the next 3days. fortunately, he got it. hahas. >.-

haiz look's like i have nothing much to talk about.. NJ=no life. NJ=blog bitching. NJ=friends missing. hahas. oh no, im bitching it again aren't i? hahas. but seriously, friends are everythign to me in NJ.

miss my clique. want to meet up with them before ireland. love you all

faint spells

today so damn sian. got caught by DM for short skirt. -.- as in like my skirt was 2 fingers from the front and 3 from the back. (which means my butt is 1 finger thick only!! :O) and like the sch rules clearly states four. so i actually said "ms phua, i dont mean to be rude but my skirt is fine. its 2 from the front and 3 from the back" i cant believe i did myself either.

so i was let off. big smiles. i have to give kudos to my pm who was VERY much of a help. (wooah. im so rich in sacasm today)

and choir is like revolving my life, no, my life is revolving choir. just came back from choir and tmr morn must go for choir again!!!! and they are all non official. its not that i dont like choir anymore, in fact im still loving it very much, BUT choir is being too much now. its the first time choir has made me feel so tired that im quite sure my illness has much to do with it.

the leaders should cut us some slack. if not, at least stop giving us last min practices all the time. you make us come more days than usual. then make us come in the morning. then make us come earlier for practices. then release us 1.5 hours late most of the time. then asks us to go back and go practices some more. and even feel mad if we dont in the next practice. shitty.

i get the more pracs, come more, come early, go late, and self practices. cause we are in fact going overseas for the top. but what i dont get is why this is happening EVERYDAY, ALL TOGETHER!! this is probably why i feel the world turning today when singing. this is probably why i felt like crying when i sat down. guilt? i dont even know now.

tmr there's another maths lecture test. and i have to makeup my bio prac for the week. one more time for me to experience failure. and bio prac, owels, at least i get to go late for choir. busy day tmr. early day. i dont even know why its a MUST to present the octets. and alot of lit to do.

good luck agnes. and dont faint.

one of the rare times im actually feeling fortunate to not faint.
dont know if its one of the multiple times of bitching NJ, but hey, i almost faint it gives me the right to bitch. if i faint then i guess bitching is not enough.

GONE, yet...

GONE, the feverish cough & inflamed throat that vomits blood!

YET not spared from the bitter footprints of pills left behind..

wanxin

too bad that today is the last day of mc. (although yesterday was the first) but good times have to have an end. (but apparently bad times dont cause the blood aint going away and when eveer i breathe in i smell blood. :X)

was looking at a few blogs just now and i came across my junior, wanxin's, blog. Damn! she makes me want to strangle her with my breath-taking hugs.ARGHS!! shes so cute and is the loveliest! i remember tagging her saying that she only post about him and not me, so she dedicated an entire post to me! she rawks my socks man!! I LOVE YOU WANXIN!!!

i miss singing with her.
i miss hanging out at 7-11 with her.
i miss dragging her across the road when she lives at the other side.
i miss making a fool out of myself with her.
i miss making a fool out of her.
i miss giving her advice that makes her smile.
i miss listening to her problems.
i miss confiding my problems.
i miss teasing her.
i miss taking secrets sips from her drinks when she aint looking (o.O)
i miss my friend.

dudette, you are AWESOME.

this is why, though ancient, my profile picture never changed since 2 years ago when we get to spend almost everyday together. i know we seldom meet nowadays since we are in different schools already, but i'll try to come around as often as i can... i love you manz..

argh!

cant believe im actually sitting in front of my comp during school hours at home!! after years of getting MCs yet unable to use them, this is practically a miracle! and the best part is no NJ for 2 whole days! and of course no bio lecture test today. life's good for once.

hahas. but life aint all that good since there is a need to pay a price. and lets just say that the price is ignoring a previous MC, going to school, getting sicker till the extent that puking of blood is neccessary, slogging to the clinic with dizzyness overwhleming my head due to a fever that goes all the way to 38.6 deg cel, coughing till my small veins burst and living with a very sore throat that hardly allows me to speak, let a lone sing. yea, lets just leave it at that.

oh wait! wait wait.... theres one more price to pay. the PILLs! never forget the pills. the yucky bitter horendously big pills. they suck.just ate 6pills and some cough syrup. ewwwwww. dang. there is still the lozenges i have not touched. so much for pleading the doctor to get me smaller pills. owells, thats what you get when you have your mum follow you to the doctor. NO SMALL PILLS AND NO CAPSULES. BIG PILLS ARE MUCH MORE EFFECTIVE. ...

hahas. ok there is only two days of paradise. have got to treasure them. loves.

volta- exclusive's club

yesterday, i went to m'sia to sao mu. its was the first time "visited" my great grandma. hahas, hrm... it sounds wrong... my big great grandma... cause my great grandfather had 2 wives, the second one only 12 years or so older than my grandfather himself. yea, so now i can officially say i've been to visit both since i visit one of them every year except for the past 3 years (including this one) during CNY.

it was only on friday when i saw how weak, yet strong my grandfather was. although trembling and not being able to walk properly due to strokes he had years back, assisted by my dad, bro and me, he kept going, up hill, towards her grave for the traditional "ceremonial". and i guess he would have done it, if not for a slip, saved by me and my bro, which led my dad to insist for him to sit down to rest, abandoning the mission.

i remembered the assembly talk we had on wednesday witht he principal.... damn.... it was, well, threatening. as in she could at least pretended to sound like she actually cared about us and not our grades right? i've heard people say that shes only staying cause she wants to produce another president scholar, but thats only what ive heard. shant criticise her personally since im not a fan of online stabbing, but if there's only a way to feedback to the school without getting into trouble.

some teachers have things to say too, but they dont say it. which brings me to the point of why the teachers in NJ are so afraid of authoratative figures in the school?? as in come on!! students depend on teachers, whether academically or our welfare. but some of them just dont have the guts to help the students. they should be the bridge among higher figures and us, but they dont even dare feedback. military much? even the military gets and absorbs feedback.

i really really miss BP now. its everything. i know i've said this more than a milli.. thous... hund... ten times but its true.tis one place i can truely feel relaxed, even during my O's period. NJ, the canteen gives you pressure from everyone studying there. the hall, the ppt slides from the chers gives you pressure. classrooms suck. LTs, as comfortable number 5 is, it causes distress. even the roof, when there is absolutely nothing above you, allows you to see the witch craft, an aura, the bubble that encloses it. the grey dark sky, which shoots lightning bolts at anyone who dare to even think of slacking, rains exclusively on NJ as how the Volta is only exclusively used as the turning point in a sonnet.