supposed to be stress but not its not my job

was supposed to be doing lit graded assignment now since its due tmr and i havent started on it. but circumstances changed and im supposed to do pw now, which is also due tmr. plus, i havebio and chem hw due tmr, with bio and math tests to study. which i have all not started. so it kinda means im not supposed to be doing this now. but hey, shall heck them for now.

went to my blog, which is this one. yes, the current one you're looking at now. dint want to blog at first, just wanted to peek at who had tagged me. nothing different. the only thing that changed is that WX tagged. but i've already replied her, so its not new news. then i realised that her name had the linky thingy, and found out that she had moved her blog. went to read it and found out its kinda started off gloomy so i shall start preaching to her with wise words of wisdom. (its kinda repetition- wise and wisdom)

normally, i would spam her tagbox with my wiseness but her new blog has no tagbox, or at least i cant find it, so i shall write em' here. :) WANXIN!!! smile more. laugh more. and if you think its too hard to do that, look into the mirror. or, alternatively (pw), you can look at my photo! and its ok to cry when you feel like it! as l0ng as you collect your tears so that you dont waste water! (its a limited resource) smile smile smile. love your blogskin. dont change!!

owells, at least your recent posts sounds less sad and more happy and funny and weird. (which is typical normal wanxin) hahas. miss you loads. muacks.

ok. so since im done with this and changing her link, i shall get back to chionging hw, mugging tests, and hating Tess durbeyville. think i spelled wrongly, but i dont care. hate her/it (depending on if you see her as female or paper). byes for now. adieous!


oh shit tmr still got TDC rehearsal... as backstage assistant manager, i cant stand it when ppl dont listen to direct instruction. as a crew member, i cant stand the way the concert manager is not involved yet gives criticism and shows a black face when things dont go her way and she does nothing. as a performer and part of TDC, i cant stand the way the teacher also shows a black face and does not acknowledge that CT reps are doing her a favour to organise this and not she doing us a favour in crticising us. as an NJCian, i cant stand how the concert is quite shitty( aka, i wouldnt even want to go for TDC) yet, im in no position to give my comments about them. im in to position to thank the CT reps for their help. im in no position to do anthing but follow instructions, take their shit, and make sure ppl are where they are suppose to be on that day.

reality

wow. cant believe YOG is over already. kinda regret not enjoying the process, although i haveto admit it was kinda tough and tiring. hahas. today was funny... 2 atheletes hitted on me. and in order to not sound so full of myself, i would let your imagination fly and stop describing what happened. moreover, i felt so important infront of a contingent of policemen... cause its so late now, shall not describe either... come ask me if you wanna know.

i have got to stop being such a spoilt brat whenever i dont get thingsi want.is it the fatigue that brings me down? or is it the pre-sighted fatigue? im not putting up a front. at least i hope im not. i dont think i am. i dont feel so. but the pain of putting up a front is just as painful as the pain i feel somewhere. unknowns are so scary but that's reality. tmr is a long day cut down by half and plus an extended rehearsal. tmr is reality.

my kite

i know i just blogged today but since my mood has changed i find it fit to blog again. so i just incidentally sang afew of my primary sch choir songs. at that time i was so happy. and the only thing that could upset me was "i don't friend you arh!". i sang the songs as if i were back there. 11 years old. not giving a shit about the conductor. dint really heed whatever he was saying. all i cared about was to sing loud loud. like that, will get "good good".

although i sang softly to myself and that the songs started off quite not so happy melodies, i felt the wonder of singing again. it was no longer stress. no longer effort-driven. no longer a responsibility; a burden. it was just "sing!". breathe whether in between sentences, phrases or words. when im out of breath, breathe. change the keys in the middle as i deem my voice fit. and of course, no focus. and i realised the songs were sounding happier and happier.

my primary school songs had messages. meaningful once. unlike now, when im singing songs i do not even understand or pronounce, for that matter. and the songs mean nothing to me. whereas in primary school, the songs, my songs brought me through life.

i will reopen my scores once more and not practice them, but enjoy them. and for the songs i have to practice. they would have to wait. i need guidance in my life now, so burdens have to wait their turn. im going to find the love for singing back once again. i shant let it fly. i'll tie tightly onto it. please do not tug me too tight till i break, for if you do i'll fall to the ground while you soar to the unknowns.

picky picky picky

hrm... dont know how life has been anymore. it feels good to withdraw but to do that aint as i please. friends used to be almost everything in this life but now friends are either out of reach or.... well, out of reach. via distance and time. not that im lecturing about time travel now but that its so hard to be with my friends when they are either not eating, lessons or doing cca work. that stinks. used to be busy but hated it. freer now and im lost. im just too picky to live

NJC field

NJC field:
what a funny sight i saw!
a few islands standing tall,
surrounded by an ocean green.
where has all the drainage been?

puddles here, tiny ponds there,
this predicament is never rare.
splashes there and splashes here,
no! to be wetty is what i fear.

i see the goal posts at the end,
like suken ships that were once grand.
cant hold it in, have to laugh out loud
oh shit, i've gotten myself a crowd

in the air such humidity!
above you roofs leaking.
i wish i wish with all my will,
that NJC wont be floody still.

its just wrong

I CANT BELIEVE IT! YOU, FOR ALL PEOPLE ARE GIVING ME THIS KIND OF SHITTY ADVICE?! TELLING ME TO GO ON AND GO FOR IT? SERIOUSLY! DISSAPOINTED. ANGRY. AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU TODAY? GET WELL, PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY. THINK THROUGH ABOUT WHAT YOU JUST SAID TO ME BEFORE FACING ME ONCE MORE.

?

today i dint go out with the clique even though i wanted to so badly. had to study for the countless tests i have ater the hols. but to no avail. argh. akshay is complicating my heart matters. that sucks. was feeling awesome before that. dont know what to write now.

im no longer putting up a strong front. im building a fort now.

nothing

no big revealation like the previous few posts. so i guess. nothing happening to everything is something good. :)

this is probably the most significant thing that happened today- i listened to this song. love it loads. dad says im growing older thats why i start liking 70s music...-.-

I get around by Beach boys
Round round, get around
I get around
Yeah Get around ooooooo
I get around
From town to town
Get around round round i get around
Im a real cool head
Get around round round i get around
Im making real good bread

I'm gettin' bugged driving up and down the same old strip
I gotta finda new place where the kids are hip
My buddies and me are getting real well known
Yeah, the bad guys know us and they leave us alone

I get around
Get around round round I get around
From town to town
Get around round round I get around
I'm a real cool head
Get around round round I get around
I'm makin' real good bread
Get around round round I get around
I get around
Round Get around round round oooo

Wah wa ooo
Wah wa ooo
Wah wa ooo

We always take my car cause it's never been beat
And we've never missed yet with the girls we meet
None of the guys go steady cause it wouldn't be right
To leave your best girl home now on Saturday night

I get around
Get around round round I get around
town to town
Get around round round I get around
I'm a real cool head
Get around round round I get around
I'm makin' real good Bread
Get around round round I get around

I get around
RoundAh ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
Round round get around
I get around
Yeah
Get around round round I get around

Get around round round I get around
Wah wa ooo
Get around round round I get around
Oooo ooo ooo
Get around round round I get around
Ahh ooo ooo
Get around round round I get around
Ahh ooo ooo
Get around round round I get around
Ahh ooo ooo

stand by me

finally! the long week end is here... i cant say that its long awaited since the blur me dint know it was going to be a long weekend. but still, you can be blur but feel happy about it. :)

woots. its high time everyone gets a break. take off those chains of academics and fly!! ok, im just talking gibberish now.. fly? come on, overdoing it right??

but yea, im glad that theres smth to allow me to rest. although there's still YOG rehearsal tmr, i guess its ok since i recieved a few peices of good news. ha! i have an extension for my PW EOM deadline! finally, YOG is doing smth good for us instead of just wasting our time waiting at the holding area.

today we had NDC in school. i think the NDC couns must be feeling so relieved after handling so much stress. then again, when can couns ever feel not stressed? council is a tiring and demanding cca.

performed today and even had the aeroplanes for S'pore NDP grace us with their pressence. cool.

i realised that im someone who doesnt reaslly get in touch with my feelings unless i face them directly, in the sense that i start talking about my problems. i never knew i was such a person. guess NJ has its silver lining of its massive gigantic rain cloud. dint think i would keep getting so emotional when the mouth opens.

so here, instead of just voicing what i've discovered, i want to, also, thank 2 friends. they rocks ttm. she has always been there and he, though calm, understands. getting it is what everyone wants. support is what everyone needs. more so, teenagers. much more, me. muacks to the both of you.

cant wait to start enjoying my deserved/undeserved rest. but then again, there are still loads to catch up on. loads to do. loads to face. whether teary eyed or not, i shall do it bravely. cause i know, im never alone.

Stand by me
When the night has come
And the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we see

No I won’t be afraid
No I won’t be afraid
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

And darling, darling stand by me
Oh, now, now, stand by me
Stand by me, stand by me

If the sky that we look upon
Should tumble and fall
And the mountain should crumble to the sea

I won’t cry, I won’t cry
No I won’t shed a tear
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

And darling, darling stand by me
Oh, stand by me
Stand by me, stand by me, stand by me

Whenever you’re in trouble won’t you stand by me
Oh, now, now, stand by me
Oh, stand by me, stand by me, stand by me

Darling, darling stand by me
Stand by me
Oh stand by me, stand by me, stand by me

im done

damn. i think i should be called princess-cries-alot. teared today again. and my friends are just taking the toll and wrath of me. i dont think its suppression of my own emotions. its just the suppression of my own personal space. wait. thats wrong. it should be the LACK of my own personal space...

for every window of slack i find to breathe in the air, someone just has to lock it tight. really. i remembering being happy. it seems so vague now. i want to apologise to my friends. yet im tired. beat. exhausted. but dead? no, dying. yes dying. the feeling of dying as contasted to not feeling dead. confined beneath a lead sky, between lead walls, lying on a lead bed. and if you dont get what i meant, i just described a coffin.

its the last straw. im done. i want to get out. but then i would feel apologetic towards it. damn. i hate last minutes. i should some up with a system that ppl have to book an appointment to get me!! i know i've said "no" to many things. i have sacrifised many. so why am i too busy for me to handle?

no i wont do stupid things. i wont make ppl worry, but i cant find a way out except for the extreme. how then, can i relieve myself? i see examples of escape everyday. i dont approve of it, but i cant deny that they are effective cause i see them perky all the time. while im just a walking vampire.

should i listen to my teacher and take a break? I CANT TAKE THIS ANY LONGER!!!!!!