"he died in the agony of a car crash when all his guts splattered out with blood coated all over...blah blah blah. why must people keep writing their essays/books/stories with this?? why must it always have to do with something that reminds one of kuay chap?! people should be more creative. he should not died in the agony of kuay chap but he died in the agony of ever being in love."
weird thoughts have been going through my mind recently. like the one above... then to come to think about my comment above, i feel that the strongest feeling one could ever evoke in a reader if character should die is just to write a simple, "he died" These 2words are the strongest words which could make one feel sympathy to another. creative "dying" is not as strong. owells.
another weird thought. today, i have my HCL mid-year paper. as i was writing and writing and getting rid of the lactic acid in my right arm and writing, i suddenly had a weird and vey random thought. just before i write my final conclusion, his face popped into my head! unbelievable. at that time, i felt so warm. and then i shooked it out of my head. it was not the right time to feel warmth.
come to THINK of it, again, last night, i dreamt about him. well, it wasn't all dreamy. it felt so real. after 3months of his departure, i began to feel so distant with him. but last night, it was as if an invisible line has pulled us back next to each other where im once again in his arms. i dreamt about him being back in Singapore. and i was there in the airport see him once more. he obviously spotted me. then, we had a nice walk with each other. talking. smiling. enjoying the presence of each other.
then, my dream stopped. i can not imagine him going off again. nono.
are you talking about me in your blog dear? or is it someone else? i hope its not.
you know, before yesterday, i was still thinking if i was wasting my time actually waiting for him. i have never committed myself for this long before. not bragging or anth but, ever since primary 2, i began to "recieve" love from people from the opp gender. i have always been enjoying the joy of recieving, but never have i given the love back.
as i reach secondary school, the love thing becomes more complicated, cos i too start to change and tend to have feelings for the other. yet my mr right did not come. the 1st time i committed myself to another only lasted around less than 2weeks? so that did not hurt much. moreover, at that time, i was constantly recieving love from him, well, and others too. still, i did not know how to give love.
this time, i decided to learn the joy of giving and yes, i did learn that. i realised that sacrifises are necessary, such as saying "no" to another after committment. when you give, these sacrifises are no longer sacrifises. so that was what i did. apparently that did not make some people as happy as he was though.
receiving love and giving love at the same time felt really good. its like entering a spa, making you all refreshed. (im not referring to the time i fainted after a spa. its a whole other thing). so as ou can see, im a "princess" (princessess-wana-be rings a bell now doesn't it?) of recieving love. i have to be loved time and again. over and over.
so when he flew off, well, i thought that we could stand the test of time and distance. but then, i feel soo lonely here. he doesnt talk to me and that hurts. i dont want to say i gave up talking to him, but then he has to first reply me, doesn't he?
so now. the princess is feeling like a pauper. ok, not a pauper. i still have the love from my friends and family. ok, im feeling like a wealthy girl. but that is not enough for me. i need a kingdom, not just a state. and so what is a kingdom without the king? and im very sure, no princess wouldn't want to be queen.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
14 DEC 1993
this is kinda interesting. and quite true too!!
what does my bdae say bout me?
You work well with others. That is, you're good at getting them to do work for you.
It's true that you get by on your charm. But so what? You make people happy!
You're dynamic, clever, and funny. And people like to have you around.
But you're so restless, they better not expect you to stay around for long.
Your strength: Your superstar charisma
Your weakness: Commitment means nothing to you
Your power color: Fuchsia
Your power symbol: Diamond
Your power month: May
bdae---lovelife?
6 true lovers.
People wouldn't take you for a passionate person - and that's where they'd be wrong.
You can develop deep emotions quickly, and you're the type most likely to move in with someone after a few dates.
Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 3
You are most compatible with people born on the 5th, 14th, and 23rd of the month.
bdae predicts:
Ever since you were born, you've loved taking risks.
You crave excitement and thrills. You are driven by your passion.
You may have a wild streak, but you also love learning and experiencing life.
You're multi-faceted and can't be labeled. You're sexy, smart, flexible, and stubborn.
bdae says my past life:
You Were A Lion (ok this i don't know if its true)
You have a lethal combination of strength and energy.
You have strong family ties, and close friends are like family to you.
my year says:
Resourceful and practical, you are a quick thinker.
You are very observant - and it's hard to get anything past you!
A total perfectionist, you are especially picky about looking your best.
You're a big dreamer - such a big dreamer that reality can disappoint you.
You are most compatible with an Ox or Snake.
bdae and my rising sign:
LEO (hrm... about the past life thing...)
You are confident, self-assured, and more than a little vain.
And you have a flair for the dramatic - whether you're on stage or causing trouble.
Your spirit can't stay in one place very long.
You like to live in new places and travel the world.
Cultured and sophisticated, you pride yourself on having good taste.
You are an expert in art, music, food, and film.
life path number:
3.
Your purpose in life is to express your unique self.
You are a creative and artistic person with an interesting view on life.
Witty and outgoing, you enjoy sharing your crazy ideas with anyone who will listen.
A total social butterfly, you're the life of any party.
In love, you inspire and enchant your partner. You are often an object of fantasy and desire.
While you are very talented, you sometimes lack the ambition to put your talents in play.
And while your wit carries you a long way, you occasionally use it to mask your true feelings.
Your natural abilities can bring you all the success in the world ... if you let them
what does my bdae say bout me?
You work well with others. That is, you're good at getting them to do work for you.
It's true that you get by on your charm. But so what? You make people happy!
You're dynamic, clever, and funny. And people like to have you around.
But you're so restless, they better not expect you to stay around for long.
Your strength: Your superstar charisma
Your weakness: Commitment means nothing to you
Your power color: Fuchsia
Your power symbol: Diamond
Your power month: May
bdae---lovelife?
6 true lovers.
People wouldn't take you for a passionate person - and that's where they'd be wrong.
You can develop deep emotions quickly, and you're the type most likely to move in with someone after a few dates.
Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 3
You are most compatible with people born on the 5th, 14th, and 23rd of the month.
bdae predicts:
Ever since you were born, you've loved taking risks.
You crave excitement and thrills. You are driven by your passion.
You may have a wild streak, but you also love learning and experiencing life.
You're multi-faceted and can't be labeled. You're sexy, smart, flexible, and stubborn.
bdae says my past life:
You Were A Lion (ok this i don't know if its true)
You have a lethal combination of strength and energy.
You have strong family ties, and close friends are like family to you.
my year says:
Resourceful and practical, you are a quick thinker.
You are very observant - and it's hard to get anything past you!
A total perfectionist, you are especially picky about looking your best.
You're a big dreamer - such a big dreamer that reality can disappoint you.
You are most compatible with an Ox or Snake.
bdae and my rising sign:
LEO (hrm... about the past life thing...)
You are confident, self-assured, and more than a little vain.
And you have a flair for the dramatic - whether you're on stage or causing trouble.
Your spirit can't stay in one place very long.
You like to live in new places and travel the world.
Cultured and sophisticated, you pride yourself on having good taste.
You are an expert in art, music, food, and film.
life path number:
3.
Your purpose in life is to express your unique self.
You are a creative and artistic person with an interesting view on life.
Witty and outgoing, you enjoy sharing your crazy ideas with anyone who will listen.
A total social butterfly, you're the life of any party.
In love, you inspire and enchant your partner. You are often an object of fantasy and desire.
While you are very talented, you sometimes lack the ambition to put your talents in play.
And while your wit carries you a long way, you occasionally use it to mask your true feelings.
Your natural abilities can bring you all the success in the world ... if you let them
depression at happy VCH
today was kinda depressing. well, only the last part of it, i guess. the first time to feel so sad at VCH, the place which holds some of the few happiest moments of my life.
before syf, linning up outside the concert hall, i could just picture the image of a red dot sitting there in the room, waiting for me to enter. unfortunately, i dint just to even get a glimpse of it though.
aft syf, went back to VCH in the evening to hear the results. School number 49. Bukit Panjang Government High School, (heart pumping. adrenelin rising.) SILVER. (adrenelin went off. blood circulation stopped. heart dead.) F***!!!! laid on the chair and clapped with the remaining strength left to support the little life left in me for school number 50.
then... the river flowed. so i told myself not to cry. but i did, alot. then i told myself to not cry anymore already. but i did, alot. then i told myself not to emo. but then i saw the bridge we used to sit at. i pictured him sitting close to me as i hugg him. consoling me. a hig frm him, thats all i needed. so he wasnt here beside me when i needed him. then i told myself i has every reason to emo now...
then i went to eat sweetcorn which helped alot though.. so to all the emo people, go eat sweet corn. it works wonders!! hahas. ok. at VCH, wanted to hugg everyone i know there. but then when i saw the guys i like.... congrats, *shake hands* walk away. cry silently. yea....
finnally returned bunny's blusher aft 4months. which means its been 3 months alr. i'll be ok, its just another 1.4 years, 16 months, round 64 weeks, 480 days, 11520 hours, 691200 minutes, 41472000 seconds, 414720000 milliseconds.
before syf, linning up outside the concert hall, i could just picture the image of a red dot sitting there in the room, waiting for me to enter. unfortunately, i dint just to even get a glimpse of it though.
aft syf, went back to VCH in the evening to hear the results. School number 49. Bukit Panjang Government High School, (heart pumping. adrenelin rising.) SILVER. (adrenelin went off. blood circulation stopped. heart dead.) F***!!!! laid on the chair and clapped with the remaining strength left to support the little life left in me for school number 50.
then... the river flowed. so i told myself not to cry. but i did, alot. then i told myself to not cry anymore already. but i did, alot. then i told myself not to emo. but then i saw the bridge we used to sit at. i pictured him sitting close to me as i hugg him. consoling me. a hig frm him, thats all i needed. so he wasnt here beside me when i needed him. then i told myself i has every reason to emo now...
then i went to eat sweetcorn which helped alot though.. so to all the emo people, go eat sweet corn. it works wonders!! hahas. ok. at VCH, wanted to hugg everyone i know there. but then when i saw the guys i like.... congrats, *shake hands* walk away. cry silently. yea....
finnally returned bunny's blusher aft 4months. which means its been 3 months alr. i'll be ok, its just another 1.4 years, 16 months, round 64 weeks, 480 days, 11520 hours, 691200 minutes, 41472000 seconds, 414720000 milliseconds.
Saturday, April 04, 2009
love exists
today, i went to his blogg to take a little peek. there i saw he asking if love existed. wel, to me, it does. but it seems to be from a different dimension. and the price to get it is far too much to give, only the ones willing to sacrifice would achieve love. not writing much now. just wanted to comment on that.:) love exists... i exist... you exist... we exist... love exists... yes, it does.
Friday, April 03, 2009
? thinking of you time and again
?
i was wondring how long i must wait.
tothink there is one other year ahead.
it seems so far, it seems so long.
is this right or is this wrong?
is this worth it? am i wasting my time?
such heartaches cant be cured with a dime.
would you be right here? are you the one for me?
you feel so invisible, oh why can't i see?
is my heart still open? or is it all sealed up
with a kiss and a dollar, maybe a hotdog pup?
do you love me? do i even love you?
if that is so, why am i having the blues?
i ask alot of questions, yes that i know.
is there something wrong with cupid's bow?
did it shoot the wrong arrows and to us they hit?
then draw us closer till the day we meet?
thinking of you time and again
i'm thinking of you time and again
a second less would make me insane
a kiss to send a thousand miles away
will still reach its destination one fine day
a hug so warm will never cool down
a face so cheery won't turn to a frown
the stars are shinning bright in the sky
shows how the days go by and by
i was wondring how long i must wait.
tothink there is one other year ahead.
it seems so far, it seems so long.
is this right or is this wrong?
is this worth it? am i wasting my time?
such heartaches cant be cured with a dime.
would you be right here? are you the one for me?
you feel so invisible, oh why can't i see?
is my heart still open? or is it all sealed up
with a kiss and a dollar, maybe a hotdog pup?
do you love me? do i even love you?
if that is so, why am i having the blues?
i ask alot of questions, yes that i know.
is there something wrong with cupid's bow?
did it shoot the wrong arrows and to us they hit?
then draw us closer till the day we meet?
thinking of you time and again
i'm thinking of you time and again
a second less would make me insane
a kiss to send a thousand miles away
will still reach its destination one fine day
a hug so warm will never cool down
a face so cheery won't turn to a frown
the stars are shinning bright in the sky
shows how the days go by and by
leg story
it seems like forever since i blogged.. hahas. ok, today's post may be long or short cos i have loads to sae bout taiwan and cos im fraking tired and wana go sleep now. owels.
maybe i'll juz tok bout one part of the taiwan trip. thepart where my legg suffered. tt happened at the farm. so aft applying mosquito repellant, mosquitos came for my leg and bit twice. ok mayb tt wasn't too bad. listen to the rest.
then, we got to play at a river. it was a very shallow river with slippery algae-covered sharp rocks. so the gals went in to plae first. the guys (in an attempt to act cool i guess) all decided to be anti-river. getting bored, they started to throw stones into the river cos that will cause the water to splash out and make the gals wet. so as the game began, the stones turned into rocks and the rocks turned bigger and bigger.
juz nice, one of them hit my left legg... OOOOUCH!!!! ok, but thats still ok, since i hav 2 legss rite? ok, so after this, whenever i see rocks, i try to go away from them rite. so there was this very nice rock that was flying straight at me. so i decided to turn towards my left. unable to balance with the hurting leg, i had to take another step.
and the other step had to be on a very very sharp rock. causing a hole in my feet. so with a bleeding legg, i limped my way to 'shore'. but limping aint tt bad. tt is if u were not asked to climb a hill!!
then, after dinner, i followed my fren. as i was injured, i walked/limped/hopped slower. so i was lagging at the back. then, she accidentally tripped. but she dint fall (fortunately) and wad fell was a bamboo pole with diameter larger than my fist. guess where it went? so clever, directly to my LEGS again!!.
ok, tt wasn't that bad. cos the pain wont last very long rite? then my cher told us that we cud go to sleep at 11. sinc dere was more than 1hr to go, i decided to to bond wif nature. i sat on the swinging thingy. laid my legs straight and CRAMP!! yea. and that pain lasted. too long.
but as u noe. pain comes and goes. it ended. so i went to bathe b4 going to bed. after bathing, i realised i dint hav a plaster. and the way to get one is to borrow from my fren whose room is on the 2nd floor. so i had to, ok i dont even noe which method i use to get myself there since i had one half cramped leg and one half bleeding leg, to get myself a plaster.
ok. i shall stop here. wont continue wif my leg story. it continues all the way until i reach the S'pore airport u noe. where there are hurtful luggages and trolleys. hahas. i cant believe that even my grandma laughed at me wen i told her the leg story.
maybe i'll juz tok bout one part of the taiwan trip. thepart where my legg suffered. tt happened at the farm. so aft applying mosquito repellant, mosquitos came for my leg and bit twice. ok mayb tt wasn't too bad. listen to the rest.
then, we got to play at a river. it was a very shallow river with slippery algae-covered sharp rocks. so the gals went in to plae first. the guys (in an attempt to act cool i guess) all decided to be anti-river. getting bored, they started to throw stones into the river cos that will cause the water to splash out and make the gals wet. so as the game began, the stones turned into rocks and the rocks turned bigger and bigger.
juz nice, one of them hit my left legg... OOOOUCH!!!! ok, but thats still ok, since i hav 2 legss rite? ok, so after this, whenever i see rocks, i try to go away from them rite. so there was this very nice rock that was flying straight at me. so i decided to turn towards my left. unable to balance with the hurting leg, i had to take another step.
and the other step had to be on a very very sharp rock. causing a hole in my feet. so with a bleeding legg, i limped my way to 'shore'. but limping aint tt bad. tt is if u were not asked to climb a hill!!
then, after dinner, i followed my fren. as i was injured, i walked/limped/hopped slower. so i was lagging at the back. then, she accidentally tripped. but she dint fall (fortunately) and wad fell was a bamboo pole with diameter larger than my fist. guess where it went? so clever, directly to my LEGS again!!.
ok, tt wasn't that bad. cos the pain wont last very long rite? then my cher told us that we cud go to sleep at 11. sinc dere was more than 1hr to go, i decided to to bond wif nature. i sat on the swinging thingy. laid my legs straight and CRAMP!! yea. and that pain lasted. too long.
but as u noe. pain comes and goes. it ended. so i went to bathe b4 going to bed. after bathing, i realised i dint hav a plaster. and the way to get one is to borrow from my fren whose room is on the 2nd floor. so i had to, ok i dont even noe which method i use to get myself there since i had one half cramped leg and one half bleeding leg, to get myself a plaster.
ok. i shall stop here. wont continue wif my leg story. it continues all the way until i reach the S'pore airport u noe. where there are hurtful luggages and trolleys. hahas. i cant believe that even my grandma laughed at me wen i told her the leg story.
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