"he died in the agony of a car crash when all his guts splattered out with blood coated all over...blah blah blah. why must people keep writing their essays/books/stories with this?? why must it always have to do with something that reminds one of kuay chap?! people should be more creative. he should not died in the agony of kuay chap but he died in the agony of ever being in love."
weird thoughts have been going through my mind recently. like the one above... then to come to think about my comment above, i feel that the strongest feeling one could ever evoke in a reader if character should die is just to write a simple, "he died" These 2words are the strongest words which could make one feel sympathy to another. creative "dying" is not as strong. owells.
another weird thought. today, i have my HCL mid-year paper. as i was writing and writing and getting rid of the lactic acid in my right arm and writing, i suddenly had a weird and vey random thought. just before i write my final conclusion, his face popped into my head! unbelievable. at that time, i felt so warm. and then i shooked it out of my head. it was not the right time to feel warmth.
come to THINK of it, again, last night, i dreamt about him. well, it wasn't all dreamy. it felt so real. after 3months of his departure, i began to feel so distant with him. but last night, it was as if an invisible line has pulled us back next to each other where im once again in his arms. i dreamt about him being back in Singapore. and i was there in the airport see him once more. he obviously spotted me. then, we had a nice walk with each other. talking. smiling. enjoying the presence of each other.
then, my dream stopped. i can not imagine him going off again. nono.
are you talking about me in your blog dear? or is it someone else? i hope its not.
you know, before yesterday, i was still thinking if i was wasting my time actually waiting for him. i have never committed myself for this long before. not bragging or anth but, ever since primary 2, i began to "recieve" love from people from the opp gender. i have always been enjoying the joy of recieving, but never have i given the love back.
as i reach secondary school, the love thing becomes more complicated, cos i too start to change and tend to have feelings for the other. yet my mr right did not come. the 1st time i committed myself to another only lasted around less than 2weeks? so that did not hurt much. moreover, at that time, i was constantly recieving love from him, well, and others too. still, i did not know how to give love.
this time, i decided to learn the joy of giving and yes, i did learn that. i realised that sacrifises are necessary, such as saying "no" to another after committment. when you give, these sacrifises are no longer sacrifises. so that was what i did. apparently that did not make some people as happy as he was though.
receiving love and giving love at the same time felt really good. its like entering a spa, making you all refreshed. (im not referring to the time i fainted after a spa. its a whole other thing). so as ou can see, im a "princess" (princessess-wana-be rings a bell now doesn't it?) of recieving love. i have to be loved time and again. over and over.
so when he flew off, well, i thought that we could stand the test of time and distance. but then, i feel soo lonely here. he doesnt talk to me and that hurts. i dont want to say i gave up talking to him, but then he has to first reply me, doesn't he?
so now. the princess is feeling like a pauper. ok, not a pauper. i still have the love from my friends and family. ok, im feeling like a wealthy girl. but that is not enough for me. i need a kingdom, not just a state. and so what is a kingdom without the king? and im very sure, no princess wouldn't want to be queen.
