bubble

seriously, i dont know what's wrong with you!! i promised and you're making me break it. i did what i gave my word on, so why are you forcing it back down my throat? no. no more. i cant go on like this. im re-building my happy little bubble

30min lecture on you

30 minute lecture aint for nothing. you dint reply my message. asleep? forgot? i hope for it to be... i dare not think of the worst. tmr we shall see. you shant make me worry no more

:):)

my head was caught in a spiral today. no more negative emotions, even if there were, i was probabbly still smiling. talked to him today. should not have done it. it was weird talking to him as student and cher rather than friends or enemies.it was just weird..... ON the other hand, i nailed my song for rehearsal! at least i dint paisei myself infront of everyone! woohoo~

tiara's shinning again

my day started energised with anxiety and happiness that overwhelms fatigue. but who doesnt feel fatigue?? especially when you have to wake up at the point of time which just feels like the best time to carry on sleeping. anxiety. anxiety due to the loss of my pet hamster. scouted the entire house for it... only to realise it was just beside its cage. happiness. from my phone call, the day before, with my friend. 2 years of friendship. its obvious how close you are by watching the echoed sighs.

so today was great, at lest it started off great. its been long since i felt so much happiness inside me that just had to spring out, and afew setbacks arent going to make me go through another downpour. my blog has sounded so sian and dark nowadays that i found it only proper to set the princess wanna be blog to sound more princessy. after all, image is almost everything to an immature mind, aint it?

i have never knew how much i actually honour all of you as friends until i realised that we can go through all things together, until i realised that i would feel pain when seeing yourself suffer, until i realised that i feel like strangling you for a mistake you did that should not have affected my, until i realised that you just put me right back into my happy place when ever you see a tingge of wrongness in me.

you just seem to do everything right, although you always look like you're doing everything wrong at the wrong time at the wrong place. i guess that's why we are aquainted with each other. today was a sleepy day for me. i guess that's what you get for staying awake late at night talking to your sec sch friend, but however worth it, it sucks to have to stay awake when you have already drifted away.

fear no longer overwhelms me. i "feel the love" (as quoted from a section of the RMUN times of the security council) from everywhere. it makes me wonder if i have given enough love. my eLmo days makes me unable to think straight to share a peice of my loveliness with the ones surrounding me while my happiness, so entraped, suddenly released is unable to process anything but pure joy inside that i forgot to give my friends a warm hug. fear, right now, is only a pet. one, controlled by my surroundings. it shall never be unleashed, for it may get out of hand once again.

i guess im just happy to be unable to think things in a negative way. im hoping for the best and the worse no longer haunts my precious mind, which is so not multi-taskable, that can only process one lesson at a time/ one worry at a time. i guess, as compared to the suckiest day ever, today was just wonderful to the max, and i would ask for nothing more (with the exception of food)

dieting may not be the hardest thiing ever, but it is hard to resist temptation.

loads of work to do, but aint going to do them today. today is supposedly "my best day ever" (as quoted from spongebob), thus i shall sleep SOON. :)

last few sentence fragments of the day as quoted from Mik: "preeetty. preeeetty brave. erm. pretty and brave. good hearted. preeeetty, brave and good hearted. pretty, brave, goodhearted and SWEET"

oops, i cut myself

Agitated. just agitation. furious. afraid. worried. dint think anyone could feel so many emotions at once.

the red long thin thing on my hand mirrors my good friends. how i wish for it to go away....

dear volcano, do not erupt

I totally can’t believe how i can actually be so vulnerable in front of another. People say that it takes a lot of courage to tell someone in the face how you feel about him, but I think it just takes a few tears, lethargy to move and friends who stand by you.

Seriously, I was at a loss for words. Just looking at his arms breaks my heart and hearing another blatantly calling them “bar codes” is too painful to start describing without having my cheeks washed involuntarily with strips of water. I wondered if anyone has cried in front of him before…

Every time I’m with him, I put up a strong front and act as happy as he appear to be just cause I don’t want my emotions to affect him. I feel like such a loser friend. Am I not good enough for him to open up to? Am I not caring enough to show him that there are people who care?? His way of emotional relieve is added burden to everyone else emotionally.

This is NOT the way to go and punish you. Failure should not be unacceptable. Instead it should be embraced and learnt from. Some failures and mistakes may follow you your whole life, but the price you put on it is too high. Too high for me. Too high for your family. Too high for your friends. And too high for you. NEVER forget that.

STRESS. Everyone gets it. Don’t act like as if you are the only one who feels like erupting inside. I believe every JC student and many others out there are feeling the pressure. But, you don’t see red REAL lava spilling out of everybody.

You have no right to do this to us. Neither do you have the right to do this to yourself. I know you’re trying and I know it’s hard. I know there are changes, but the changes are for the better. You’re learning to appreciate that, like how you told me. Embrace it.

People are no blocks of wood that walk pass you time and again. I am no block of wood. I am alive. So are you. Talk to me. You do know how to open your mouth right? If I’m not close enough, it’s ok. Talk to your other friends. Talk to someone. Anyone! Don’t bottle it all up.

My eyes feel sore now, but I guess they were worth it.

Hopefully you’ll still be here with me tomorrow. And the next day. And the next day. And the next day…

Boing!

Today I attended a relationship workshop. And it has got me thinking in another direction of things. And of course, naturally, it has got me digging into my own past. my box of recollections. Surprisingly, the first guy that came into my mind was not someone whom I had the potential to say I do to. It was my dad.

I guess it’s the same, but I guess it’s different in a way too. But how different are they? They are both love. One is to a guy 32 years older than me, another is to less bearded people, and the last is to the one who can and will protect me decades into the future. Saying this, I can’t help to see what an immature thought to think that such a guy will appear in front of me in the short term, much less thought of it before in my life’s history.

I realized that I’m starting to prefer blogging in Chinese to English. Probably because I feel that Chinese is a more emotional language? And that when I start tying in English, I start to create weird grammar that only I (or any other weird personnel) can understand. But then again, I guess they produce different results, and either way, you get my point.

So yea, past BGR love would mostly not be talked about here now. I just cant see how I could indulge in such immature thinking in the past. Met my junior yesterday. I understand how she felt about wanting to not care but be loved. I had that feeling before, and ended myself up in such a huge mess of a life segment. Actually, it wasn’t a mess of MY life segment. I think I screwed the other party up instead, and for that I’m sorry.

So I was thinking and thinking about the former 2types of love, and the result that came out should probably be applicable to the latter one. I realized that I am not perfect. I concluded that my dislikes and mostly what people detests too. I expect a lot from others. I give some too, but I just don’t know if I shortchanged the other guy.

Accusations. Remember me saying how I just hate being accused? Well, I still do, no change in stance for that. But the thing is that I realized that I do accuse. Maybe not on a big scale, but I do accuse. I think its time to start reflecting on myself more often, instead of always reflecting in the shower after what’s done has been done.

So the relationship workshop has got me digging into myself. Who am I? I’m ready and eager to find out. But I shall have patience and discover.

I can’t believe I’m quoting this, but at least it shows that I did listen to morning assembly:

The harder you fall, the higher you bounce.

shock Gasp HORROR!

today, afew shocking things happened.

1st: Bork was at kbox! betcha wouldnt believe it unless you were there. well, i only have smth to say- peer pressure rocks sometimes. :)

2nd: terrence sang! hahas. i think this was the first time i hear him actually singing. hahas. lets have a next soon.

3rd: han jia is still existing! after a whole half a year of MIA, i now finally can say with ease that she is still indeed on this world and planet. she did not disintergrate or disappear! lets try to ensure this more often yea?

4th: all of us still had the energy to rock on after the terms and CTs and MYEs... hahas.

cant wait for another outing. a real one. one that does not involve books and notes or any upcoming dreadful things that could only have us thinking for the worst. hahas. owels. its damn late already... so i shall bid adious for now. sweet dreams everyone

回忆起朋友所送出的幸福

好久没有那么痛快的玩一整天了。虽然说没离过蔡厝港之地，但只要有朋友们在我左右，那里都是我们的天下。哇！今天真值得纪念。

好不容易有机会见到朋友们。十六年的时间如此快的飞过，与朋友共享的时间一瞬间就没了。那为什么就这半年感觉好像时间已累了，慢下了脚步，故意让我难熬？很多人都说时间是不等任何人的。但我认为时间是偏心的。它把快乐的时光缩到你只能用回忆来享受，却很慷慨的逼你感觉苦道的每一个点点滴滴。

一转眼，今天就已结束了。当我用飞速经过了今天，我焕然发现我并没有快乐地过这一天。我发现今天我没有一种幸福的感觉。虽然我有说有笑，但这整整的一天，我的脑海里都是空的。（真浪费！）今天我都么认真地想要与朋友们一起出去游玩、心里想的是要与朋友们共享时光，却忘了停下，把幸福的空气狠狠的吸进去。

时间真会振人。

可能这就是回忆的作用吧。回忆是提醒我们在好的时光时要慢下来好好的吸收它的氧气的闹钟、回忆是让我们在生活里有多一丝的后悔以及学会更加珍惜的大喇叭教授、回忆是在我们觉得可惜时，在我们的身上散发一些爱的有情机器。

回忆是。。。 。。。美好的；而与朋友共同享受的时光已经在我的回忆里。

crooked

you know how people always go online after the exams and then gloat about how the exams are over, well, i am one of them. Thank God exams are OVER! now to sort some issues with myself. gotta straighten my life out.