I totally can’t believe how i can actually be so vulnerable in front of another. People say that it takes a lot of courage to tell someone in the face how you feel about him, but I think it just takes a few tears, lethargy to move and friends who stand by you.
Seriously, I was at a loss for words. Just looking at his arms breaks my heart and hearing another blatantly calling them “bar codes” is too painful to start describing without having my cheeks washed involuntarily with strips of water. I wondered if anyone has cried in front of him before…
Every time I’m with him, I put up a strong front and act as happy as he appear to be just cause I don’t want my emotions to affect him. I feel like such a loser friend. Am I not good enough for him to open up to? Am I not caring enough to show him that there are people who care?? His way of emotional relieve is added burden to everyone else emotionally.
This is NOT the way to go and punish you. Failure should not be unacceptable. Instead it should be embraced and learnt from. Some failures and mistakes may follow you your whole life, but the price you put on it is too high. Too high for me. Too high for your family. Too high for your friends. And too high for you. NEVER forget that.
STRESS. Everyone gets it. Don’t act like as if you are the only one who feels like erupting inside. I believe every JC student and many others out there are feeling the pressure. But, you don’t see red REAL lava spilling out of everybody.
You have no right to do this to us. Neither do you have the right to do this to yourself. I know you’re trying and I know it’s hard. I know there are changes, but the changes are for the better. You’re learning to appreciate that, like how you told me. Embrace it.
People are no blocks of wood that walk pass you time and again. I am no block of wood. I am alive. So are you. Talk to me. You do know how to open your mouth right? If I’m not close enough, it’s ok. Talk to your other friends. Talk to someone. Anyone! Don’t bottle it all up.
My eyes feel sore now, but I guess they were worth it.
Hopefully you’ll still be here with me tomorrow. And the next day. And the next day. And the next day…
