requested by janice

hahas. realised from the chat chat place tt janice wanted me to post bout last year obs. owels. heres part of wad i wrote during the obs:

... breif intro first bahs. in my OBS team, there was Janice, Enqi(MI), Meilin, Sherman(RE), Jovine, Alfred, Chen Han(DO), Wen qi(SO), Yee khang, Xuena, Glorianne, Jason(FA), Lovell, Yan Ping and.. eh, oh ya, me!!

day2 morning:
ytd nite, i had like NO SLEEP!!. cos my team's DO RE MI FA SO were talking and talking and talking. being a lightsleeper, there was no way for me to sleep. my tent mates were all on fire. we shouted at them and i even threw a shoe at them. it hit Chen Han's head unfortunateli. but it dint work. so wen two of my tentmates went to collect the lost shoe, they used it to wack the tent first. very unfortunate of Chen Han to gt wacked again. hahas!!

owels, it stil dint work though. so i spent the nite spraying insect repellant all over, time and again, in my tent (no wonder, none of my tentmates got bitten tt day) while listening to the wonderous childish music of "vampire vampire vampire chez! vampire copy cat vampire chez! vampire pick-piak vampire chez!"

hav to make sure tt tmr nite i gt some sleep. so it means that sum things muz be done to ensure tt.

day3 morning:
hehes... 2 daes over liaos... juz to go to nxt camp site, me trek for like 1/2 hr sia! so freaking tried for me frens... i dint hold much stuff mahs. so cnt complain *smiley face* hahas...

wen we 1st reach new campsite, i was the beach! woohoo!!.. but den out of bounds.. diaos.. -.-" hahas.. hehes. ytd nite, i had a nice time sleeping!!

so i managed to gt my tent juz next to DO RE MI FA SO's tent.

1st the DO RE MI FA SO, as usual were tokin.. den we gals listened cos it was funi funi jokes. there was superman, batman, tribal ppl and even underwear! bahahahs! it was damn funii *baby smiley face* but den i got super tired.. so i asked everyone to keep quiet. at 1st, dey dint wan to.. tt is until i threated to throw shoes into their tent and somehow an orange frm nowhere flew n hit their tent. tt wasnt me!! ok, so everyone agreed to let me snooze for 15mins. tt was a gud 15mins, tt is until, our very zun shi time keeper, janice, woke me up exactly aft it. there goes my sleep.

but the guys wee fast alseep. so we gals toked. bout secrets n bois n stuff. then, out of the silence of the other tent, we heard snoring!! hahas!! it was Sherman!!.. but tts not th best part yet..

after, we heard this "讲故事！讲故事！我睡不着！讲故事！" it was soo funnii to see jason sleep toking. hahas. FUNNII!! *big smiley face*

den in dah morning, there was like wad, 3 mega 1000V batteried torch lights shone onto my face asking "where is enqi? where is enqi?" its like damn man. this is a freaking gals tent. enqi's a guy!!

owels. after another funni thing happened. the guys went to go pee. but den it was so dark that they couldnt see where they were going. and guess wad? they went straight to the ants nest!! hahas!!

so you see. with such a funni nite, hw cn i ever go to sleep??

last day morning:
today i woke up earli, cos everyone was bustling around my tent, keeping their tents. however, i have a sensitive nose, so decided nt to wake my team up yet and let them hav some rest. finalli, wen it was realli time to wake up, DO RE MI dint want to. so i said. if u dont, we'll dismntle the tent!

guess what!! we realli did. and then the tent came crashing down on them. they dint canre and continued sleeping in it. so i began to keep the rods/ frame of the tent. those metals dragged over their bodies seemed to be like massages to them and they refuse to budge!!

then finally i got irritated. cos i cant simply like roll them up in the tent n put it in the tent bag rite?! and so they got up. hahas. it is the last day, but it has most been the FUNnest experience of tent keeping!!


so this is like my obs days. well some of it. hahas. it was FUN!!

ur dere but it seems lyk ur nt

heyys. today i went to sch with a heavy heart, and came back with a heavier heart. mostly because of my common tests marks. haiz. my maths sucked. both of them were one more freakin mark to As...owels. however, tts not the whole reason. i kept thinking about what i wrote to him yesterday. i feel really bad. but i do not regret it. he is onl9 nw, but theres nth frm him. its lyk he is there but he seem like he is not there at all.

he is like so different from the 1st, no, 2nd time i met him. he used to be so attentive, so sweet. but now, he aint even reaponding. i rmb that i asked himto sms if he could spend the time. seems like i dont matter as much to him anymore. i dont know what he is thinking anymore. shouldn't the girlfriend have every right to know what is in that coconut of their bfs??

"love looks not with the eye but with the mind. therefore is winged cupid painted blind" this is one quote of shakespear's midsummers night dream. makes me feel like im hermia and him, lysander. i trust hes true. but i hope so bad that puck wont put love potion onto his eyes and wish that one day, i wont be the serpent like in my ironic dream.

i miss him soo much. his hands, his face, his eyes “so divine and perfect and clear. crystal is muddy" still not hearing anth from him. He seem to be unable to notice me anymore from the crowd of his onl9 frens. Im juz one of the faces. Ignorance...neglect...unspoken…dumbbed...lifeless…dead.

owells. Hahas. Dun gt too emo reading my post. Juz wrote the last line for dramatic effect since im lyk all over literature nw. hahahs. Im still bubble and cheer ful. Read profile. Hahas. Still hope he speaks though. Should I give him a nudge?

byebye CT

wOw! common tests are finnally over!! after days of sweating infront of my books which are in front of my TV, its finnalllly over!! yeah! hahas. the past week was indeed tiring since i was having two subjects per day.(since im taking 8 pure+2 elect subs) [while my counsin hav two subs per week...] phew! actualli come to think of it, mayb ending commontests may not b such a gud ting. cos lyk the common tests were so hard. oni subjects im confident in are LIT, EL, BIO, CHEM... less den half of my subs. owels, lets not spoil the mood!! tym to party!! tt is until nxt week wen i hav to do SPA o level... i noe sian.

currently am working on helping my friends on SCGSIMUNC in short SCMUN. since out of the 6, oni ONE has done it before.hahas. owels. tink im gonna go now. dinner calls!

you left me hanging once again. when will you ever end smoothly? i rote to him this just now. feeling abit guilty bout it though:
heyy. gotta be frank with you but finding chances to talk to you is hard. it depends so much on luck just to have both of us online at the same time. whats more, you are often busy. we aint communicating at all. we can hardly sustain a 10min conversation. thats not the way to go to sustain a relationship, not even touching on long distances. i have no idea whats on your mind and i so want to know. you keep leaving me dissapointed after feeling so excited that you are online finally. hope we can do better next time. and i dont even know when the next time will be. 1 day, 1 week, weeks? maybe 5mins over there is much longer than 5mins over here. if your busy schedule can just fit a little time today, maybe you might want to sms me? cause i have to go offline now. 5mins aint that long you know.

however, they are true heartfelt words.

When spring arrives

it has been so fast i could hardly catch my breath. it has been two months since we got together, the day which i gave my first kiss to a guy who is not related to me whatsoever. last month, it was so sweet i cant get myslf to forget. this month? i have no idea. we'll see.

today was my school's student leaders investiture. it was nice.
agnes lee - funco student councillor
agnes lee - choir cca councillor
agnes lee - PA/AVA cca councillor EXCO

hahas. three times! i think i made history in my school. hahas. enough bragging. today it was all RI RI RI.. met kailun and naishad AGAIN in my school. met them last year too during our investiture. they are funni. and highly ammusing. its lyk wen u say "i AM adorable RITE?!" and then stare. they will go yea... yea... then its lyk realli fun wen they beg for us to show them the route back to their bags cos they had been running all over the school finding for it. hahas. i noe, it was a little bit evil of me to leave them to themselves in our highly confusing school. but owels. it was fun while it lasted. both of them had been wonderful guests and are fabulous friends. cheers to a everlasting friendship!

When spring arrives
its spring.
winter's over.
ice turns back into water.
the river rushes.
as it hits a sharp rock.
bleeding.

My sec sch valentines

My secondary school valentine.
On my 1st year, i spent my valentines rejecting love.
On my 2nd year, i spent my valentines recieving love.
On my 3rd year, i spent my valentines giving love.
This year, i spent my valentines longing for love.

This valentine

This valentines
I wandered over the ocean
Searching for the sea
I’ve seen so many faces
Yet not a glimpse of me

Your pictures all over my wall
Hung to, by a tact
It seems that I’m denying
The cold and cruel fact

That you are gone and you are lost
At somewhere far away
The calendar’s torn, the clocked ticked
There goes another day

The day you went, I cannot forget
My present to you, a kiss
But you went off not even leaving
A goodbye that I’ll miss

This valentine, I was alone.

King of (My) heart

lastweek has been a rather agonizing week for me. was thinking of him almost everyday, all the time. i even broke down during PE yesterday. damn it did not feel good. owels. im feeling much better today. cos he wrote "Wen Jie. If she were here...if life were a pack of cards, she would be the queen of (my) heart..." as his display name. LOVING IT!! i told him that "i promise that my pack of cards, will never have the king of hearts missing. for it will stay in my heart."

oh yea, im going for RMUN'09!! to relive the wonderous days. wanted to go for SCGSIMUNC (Singapore Chinese Girls School International Model United Nations Conference) but am going overseas for immersion programme. have to skip my choir practices too... cos its in the march hols.sighs.

hey, tmrs valentines day:
i wish i wish i wish i wish
i think of hugs i love i miss (when in bed i lay)
i dream i hope i pray i plea
i wonder if i'll get a kiss (when it is valentines day)

owels. on tuesday, my cher made us disect eyes for bio. the smell was bad. and as one of the "short" one. i was to be in the front....

the eye seems so innocent. showing you the big eye look pleading you not to cut it... aww... but wat the heck. here cums the scissors.


its lyk a fishball. -.- tried to cut with a scissors


trying really hard to cut the eye. it did not work, tried poking it.


see all the apparatus being used and still NOT sucessful in cutting it.


muscles and fats removed from the eye. muscles dont feel hard. i tink the owner of the eye dd not hav any six pacs...


pratyusha with the smelly eye ball.
*background show classmates enjoying the finally cut eyeball*


lens of the eye...~~~


shuyang holding the front of the eye. she looks lyk she is going to eat it. Don't do it shuyang! its not chou dou fu. it does not taste good at all!!

he came onl9!

HE JUZ CAME ONL9!! ohh me gosh. i was soooo happi a huge smile grew on my face. i cud juz feel it. every muscle moving, from a force deep within. cobwebs formed on that indifferent face fell as a smile took shape. it was one of the most wonderful feelings i had since saturday.

i told him hw much i missed him and he did say tt too. he seemed to feel bad bout missing the french kiss i planed to plant on him on the day of his departure. however, he went offl9 agn wifout saying gudbye. tis is the second tym. it hurt juz s much s the first. i hope there wont be a third. i cant take it anymore.

still, im missing him. hope his fone over dere gets connected quick. im still missing you. want to hear yr voice sooo much.

wet n dry..eww~

hahas. im very bored now. i feel that dry days aint that bad anymore. as in, sure the sun may shoot rays onto you and make you feel all wet inside with your blood and everything. you know you want to sweat cos "the water from inside the sweat evaporates which absorbs latent heat of evaporization from you body, causing a cooling effect" (as quoted from Mrs Joseph.) hope ya understand my analogy...~~

but sweating doesnt do much help either. theres lyk so many more ways for you to lose "heat". afew days ago, i so wanted to cry. even in school cos sum1 reminded me bout it. (dont worry Prat, i wont say that you are the one... hahas. kiddin)owels. let me tell you sum ways i tried to make myself cry when i could not. i wanted to cry so much that i had to resort to these.

in school, i wanted to cry. but the tears wont come out. so i turned away from my frens. i hid my face so that dey wont know what i was doing. so i opened my eyes wide. very wide. i dint want toblink. i juz held dem dere and let the dust go in as the searing pain starts to take over. i was thinking that if i did start to cry (man-made) i would be able to cry out of emotions after that. however it did not work. so i teared. i lifted myhead to show to my frens and dey were lyk "yeah you did it!!"

then i waited. so cry now! cry by yrself., cry lyk youve nvr cried b4. hrm.. nth. looks lyk its oni tearing, not crying.

then at home. i suddenly feel lyk sneezing. wen i did, i realised i teared. i tot it cud be a way.. so i made myself sneeze. (it wasnt difficult since i did hav a sensitive nose. most tings makes me sneeze) so i sneezed and i teared. i sneezed n sneezed n sneezed. n teared n teared n teared. still no cryin..

i gave up after that, mostly cos i was feeling too sick and tired to do so. the next day, i went to school with a stuffy nose n blood shot eyes. i felt cold the whole day n my humid, humid classroom. so that was not very nice.

owels. i feel that i dont hav to cry. im ok wif it oredi, i tink. haiz. i still miss him. everyday, EVERYday, i would hold, hug, feel, listen 2 the $99 teddybear. i would feel his heartbeat, listen to him saying i love you. i would imagine his hugs(miss that soo much that i actualli sat on my bed and hugg the teddy bear for one hour one day.. n dint notice it until it was ten oclock.), and feel his hand gripping on to mine. (the coldness of his hand, since he dint hav any warmth in it, he said its becos he was shy, but it still works for me.)

im still wondering when he will contact me. aint there smth called the phone in china? heyy dude, china has one of the fastest growing economy! (juz lyk india. hahas. little india in rmun'08) i bet they hav fones. anyways, there is aso smth called msn, sms, email, postage. darling, u juz hav to choose 1. u promised me u wud call me everyday. looks lyk you are not keeping your promise. how nice of you.

ohh. tokin bout rmun, i mite be going for rmun'09. but tis year instead of sending in 4 countries, my sch decided to choose the best group only. so, i hope i gt in. mani are trying to gt hold of the seats. hahas. but the cher-in-charge gav me, nic and matin the honor of choosing the members. so we oni need 2 more people. but i tink if i do manage to gt ppl wif better potential den me, i sudnt be so selfish. i feel that experience in rmun is important, but it is aso fair that other people gt their chance to experience it. hahas. mayb i'll let the bois choose instead.

still waiting. but, now, more paitiently, yet, more bitterly still.

dry night

okay. so yesterday nite was dry. no tsunami, no flood, no rain, no drizzle, no leaks. nope it was juz blank stares at the television until 1 oclock. o wels. enough said bout tt topic.

yesterday nite, wen i was watching the tele at round 12.45-1.00am, i started to smell smth weird. its a little pungent, a little lyk a blazing fire, n alittle lyk a gas leak. so i wen to the kitchen to check but no. there was no smell. nth. so i decided to ignore it, but the smell became worse and almost suffocated me in the living room.

so i decided to go bac to bed since i do belief in a little bit of ghosts. bac in my bed, i dont know if it was my usual irritating nose or tt smth else, but it made me feel that breathing was so hard. damn. that was scary. i put the blanket above my head, not tt im scared or anth. u noe, if u do put yr blanket over yr head, it'll made breathing harder rite? but my blanket kinda lyk acted lyk a shield, protecting me frm wadeva's out there, and i managed to breathe better.
so that's the scary thingy...

i gtg study my ss nw, since i hav a time prac essay tmr... damn. hope i do well. wish me luck! :)

so who am i?

todae i did alittle bit of thinking...

actualli i kinda find myself an easy going person. i dont ask for riches of the world, i dont ask all of attention (well, most of it but nt all), and i dont ask for much smarts. actualli come to think of it, all i wanted is juz people to treat me well. people to shower me with love.

im kind of a person who is kinda shortsighted (accidental pun..). i oni think of the day by it self. if sumone were to make me happy, it might juz make my dae and i would stay happy juz lyk tt. frens who know me would know this.. (i tink)

i also feel im someone who has moodswings very very often. if some one ignores me, i juz mite feel so sad i mite cry, yet if tt person turns around with a smile again, i would juz revert to my old happi self agn.. so to ppl whom i noe, if wen i tell you some of my feelings that may hurt u, its oni temporary lyk oni for tt instant, n in another instant, it wud b gone..

i noe some of past blogs may seem abit emo, n i said some tings which i may regret but i also realised that i dont regret stuff cos whateva i do, i noe its frm the bottom of my heart (at that moment at least)

havent actualli felt anth on sat. i was actualli quite numb. or was i acting numb. i noe im such a gud actor tt i sometymes decieve myself. no kid. been there done that. well on sat my mum paid serious attention to me. attending to my EVERY need. i tink she was worried tt i may break down. i acter cool. s if nth was happening. my eyes dint bleed but my heart cried. weird..

so 2 days after sat, todae, i was spending the whole nite playing songs over and over again. well love songs aver n aver n aver again. playing playing mistake, shit, restart... playing playing playing mistake, damn, restart. i realised that mistakes ive nvr make b4 started appearing one by one phrase by phrase. stupid fingers. my eyes stayed on the scores, on the notes, the cords, the melody..

then it shifted to the lyrics. mouth, shut up. my heart couldnt take it anymore. i nid to smhw clam that childish 15 years plus 1 month plus 19 days kid down. den i tot aint singing the answer to everything that happened before? so the mouth decided not to shut up anymore. the sound came out. wow, what a nice wrong move. juz a few seconds later, my mouth started to quaver and my cheeks became hot red and my nose stuffy n my eyes teary. so tt aint working. i cnt do tis. my mouth then slowly closed it freaking gap. and the tears randown bac inwards. it felt horrible. i tink tts why tears r meant to fall outwards.

i cn juz feel it. the 100 pounds tear drop rolled down the inside of my cheek and hit onto my heart. it cracked, weakened, unable to withstand anth else. but before it could recover, another 100 pounds tear drop hit it again. crashing my heart. the meteor shower of hot blazing tears dashed down upon that fragile pumping tingy. the glassbits shattered in to smaller glass bits, all prickly and dangerous. any one if them had the potential to cut an important vessel and end my life.

"its funny how someone can break your heart and you can still love them with all the little peices" i finally understand what it means. hahas. i once bought a 3D puzzel. it was a heart. i made it long ago. and was able to undo n do it again. but ever since i met him, i was unable to undo it ever again, tt is until saturday. i dont understand why. its juz weird. there was this key puizzel piece that holds everything together but i was juz unable to take it out as it was locked in. but den on sat, it was juz so easy to take it out.

after removing the key piece, i saw the heart. i held it in my hands. this is my heart, that peice is him. what will happen if i stopped controling hw my heart should feel? i let go of the puzzle heart. almost immediately, the heart fell into peices all over my table. i picked up each piece and started to piece them together. slowly, the heart gained shape. then i found a broken piece of the puzzle still left on my table after the puzzle was peiced back. looks lyk i wont ever find out where that peice should be. see, a scare, a hole left there. my heart aint complete now.

i fit the heart between two objects, without the key peice. now one object is me, the other is him. what will happen if one of them moved away? lyk in real life? i moved one away. the heart once again was about to crash. but this time, in order for me not to waste tym "recovering" it again, i saved it in held it safely in my arms. is tis wat im doing rite now in real life?? controling my feelings so that i dont get hurt? i want to let go but i refused to put the key peice back into the heart. i dont know why, i juz dint want to do it. so i left it once more on my table between two objects and turned away.

then, i realised the key peice was missing, frantically, i went to look for it. finally, i found it. i felt so relieved lyk a burden was lifted. i looked at it. i put it infront of the heart, as if lyk a reminder to slot it in when i finally want to. for 10 whole mins, i stared at it. then, i juz walked away from the table.

i so want to let go of my heart and cry lyk ive nvr cried b4. i want to stop acting indifferent for the sake of my parents, frens and him. i want them to know im sad. im very very very sad. but i juz cnt doit. i want to flood everyone, everything in my way. wash it away. farenheit451 tells me tt fire is a wonderful ting, it detroys responsibilities, sadness, everything. well, water wins fire. i want as flood. a flood so big thateverything will be wiped away. washed away. leaving a pure white blank peice of paper to let me restart everything.

"so i was borned..." this would be my starting. yeap. the pheonix. burns itself up and reborns again. a new life. wow. if oni i cud do tt. but if i reali create a dreadful tsunami, i'll still be me, and oni a new chapter will be formed. tittled "a new begining, yet no end." could there be a start wifout an end? yes? no?

this is juz pathetic. very pathetic.omg im tearing. mayb cos my parents told me to stop whateva im doing nw n start studying. i refused. i want to do this. im hardly tt defiant. but no. i stand firm. tmr, tmr will be the day i restart. today, everything will be washed no more 100 pound tears crashing my heart anymore. no. nth is allowed to hurt me anymore. pls let my emotions flow..

tt is if i cn make myself cry. it would be a gud cry. a gud long cry in the middle of the nite. i wish i cn cry. damn, the tears dint come out agn... it juz went bac in. ouch... ouch... it hurts real bad.

so i dont know how to end this. im still waiting for him to contact me. wen he dint tell me the tym of the flight, i was sad, then crappy. i felt tt it was juz a pathetic excuse. then, i felt bad. excruxiating. he did it for me. but y dint he giv me a choice to do smth for him??

i want him to call me. my fone is still waiting. every sms n call i gt, i gt excited, oni to be disapointed once agn... s in wen i realised it my frens im nt tt disapointed juz, well sad... hw long does he want to keep me waiting?? waiting's nt gud. i stared at the stars yesterday...~