hahas. im very bored now. i feel that dry days aint that bad anymore. as in, sure the sun may shoot rays onto you and make you feel all wet inside with your blood and everything. you know you want to sweat cos "the water from inside the sweat evaporates which absorbs latent heat of evaporization from you body, causing a cooling effect" (as quoted from Mrs Joseph.) hope ya understand my analogy...~~
but sweating doesnt do much help either. theres lyk so many more ways for you to lose "heat". afew days ago, i so wanted to cry. even in school cos sum1 reminded me bout it. (dont worry Prat, i wont say that you are the one... hahas. kiddin)owels. let me tell you sum ways i tried to make myself cry when i could not. i wanted to cry so much that i had to resort to these.
in school, i wanted to cry. but the tears wont come out. so i turned away from my frens. i hid my face so that dey wont know what i was doing. so i opened my eyes wide. very wide. i dint want toblink. i juz held dem dere and let the dust go in as the searing pain starts to take over. i was thinking that if i did start to cry (man-made) i would be able to cry out of emotions after that. however it did not work. so i teared. i lifted myhead to show to my frens and dey were lyk "yeah you did it!!"
then i waited. so cry now! cry by yrself., cry lyk youve nvr cried b4. hrm.. nth. looks lyk its oni tearing, not crying.
then at home. i suddenly feel lyk sneezing. wen i did, i realised i teared. i tot it cud be a way.. so i made myself sneeze. (it wasnt difficult since i did hav a sensitive nose. most tings makes me sneeze) so i sneezed and i teared. i sneezed n sneezed n sneezed. n teared n teared n teared. still no cryin..
i gave up after that, mostly cos i was feeling too sick and tired to do so. the next day, i went to school with a stuffy nose n blood shot eyes. i felt cold the whole day n my humid, humid classroom. so that was not very nice.
owels. i feel that i dont hav to cry. im ok wif it oredi, i tink. haiz. i still miss him. everyday, EVERYday, i would hold, hug, feel, listen 2 the $99 teddybear. i would feel his heartbeat, listen to him saying i love you. i would imagine his hugs(miss that soo much that i actualli sat on my bed and hugg the teddy bear for one hour one day.. n dint notice it until it was ten oclock.), and feel his hand gripping on to mine. (the coldness of his hand, since he dint hav any warmth in it, he said its becos he was shy, but it still works for me.)
im still wondering when he will contact me. aint there smth called the phone in china? heyy dude, china has one of the fastest growing economy! (juz lyk india. hahas. little india in rmun'08) i bet they hav fones. anyways, there is aso smth called msn, sms, email, postage. darling, u juz hav to choose 1. u promised me u wud call me everyday. looks lyk you are not keeping your promise. how nice of you.
ohh. tokin bout rmun, i mite be going for rmun'09. but tis year instead of sending in 4 countries, my sch decided to choose the best group only. so, i hope i gt in. mani are trying to gt hold of the seats. hahas. but the cher-in-charge gav me, nic and matin the honor of choosing the members. so we oni need 2 more people. but i tink if i do manage to gt ppl wif better potential den me, i sudnt be so selfish. i feel that experience in rmun is important, but it is aso fair that other people gt their chance to experience it. hahas. mayb i'll let the bois choose instead.
still waiting. but, now, more paitiently, yet, more bitterly still.
