:(

i feel mean. :(

LISTEN~

Background info: Sarah and I were like thinking of starting a consultation group with Mr. Whitby to improve our grades. And I wanted it small so that our own issues could get addressed. I have no idea how SHE got to know about this and whats more, got included.

And it was like a buy one get many free. Our group just exploded until it was 10 of us. So I said it was going to become a tutorial class size. But when she entered, she kinda dominated everything I I cant get my point across to her in the first place cause she CANNOT listen. So we split and thank god we are in different groups.

So it was 6 of us and 4 of them. The 6 of us settled stuff early and smsed mr whitby. Her group was slower and she held N--- back saying, “don’t you leave me to sms mr whitby alone”. What the shit was that for? Shouldn’t consultation sessions be set up between teachers and the very students themselves? I could see what right she had to butt in our consultation session.

[To everyone] Hey guys! There are EXTRA consultation sessions by Mr Whitby on 1) Thursday 2.30-4.00; N--- is the point of contact for Mr Whitby on that one; if you would like to go for that her no is [number] SMS her! 2) Saturday tentatively 9.00am; if you would like to go for that just sms me.

[Angrily] I called her. but the call didn’t get through.

[To me] Yup, whats up?

[Fuming but controlled] Why are you asking other people to join our consultation session?? We have already settled it ourselves. You can ask ppl to join your session but I don’t think it’s too nice to ask on behalf of us. Some f us are not too happy.

[To me] Agnes, I sent the SMS out only to those in our lit class. N--- and I agreed; if you don't wish it fine I will not.

[Smug] N--- Agreed?? Are you sure??

[To everyone] Hey guys, I apologize for the mistake made. The Thursday session is FULL/CLOSED and some have complained about my actions in inviting people so if there are still those who need consul, please contact me. Again, Thursday is no longer available and is closed.

[To me] I showed her the sms. But I’ve just sent another out. Have a good day.

[Rolling eyes] FYI, it’s not just the both of us. But thank you. Have a great day too.


ps. final CT results: B.S.A.D.D for B.C.M.L.Gp repectively

BADS

everyone's so depressed... i kinda satisfied with my results, apart from chem. Math-A, Bio-B, GP-D. got 2nd in class for these three subjects. Lit is unknown and chem is an S, sadly. hopefully i will do better nxt time. have to work hard.

i see different ways my friends took to cope with their results. some poured tears, some poured other kind of fluids. to me, not that im encouraging the act, but i really cannot be bothered anymore. desensitized is the word. they are the "experts" in the end. as long as they know their limits, come back alive, feel better and can pick themselves up, i really dont care if they go on slicing anything. retards.

Goodnight, my child

Goodnight, my child.
One round, two.
Bubbles. Water.
Swimming.
One round, two.
My lovely three second brain.

Weird white creatures.
Big eyes that blink.
Tails that split.
Weird white creatures.
They experimented on me.

They took me out of water,
Measured my length,
Weighed my mass,
Without letting me catch my breath,
Until I could breathe in dry ‘water’.

They fed me GoodFoodAnd I turned purple.
They injected me with some fluid
And I returned back to normal
With an extra hand with toes.

They operated on me
And altered my neurons.
Global warming is currently an issue.
Everyone needs to do their part to make a change.
What am I doing in all these H2O?

When my parents went back home and the lights were off,
I stared at a blank wall as hard as I could with my lidless eyes
Counting out loud one two three, one two three, one two three,
One two three, one two three, one two three, one two three, one two three.
“Is my nightmare over?”

that little voice

recently i kept having that little voice in my head, telling me negative stuff like how i should drop my chem to H1 cause i suck at it. grrr... im afraid that one day it may grow too strong and i would just be too weak to resist.

That little voice
You need to move out now.
I’m sorry for the late notice.
I’ll remember the good times we had,
and the bad times will be chucked aside.
But you need to move out now.

There is no point in crying
or asking for the reasons.
There isn’t any other choice.
So please turn around, do us a favour
and get away from me.

You need to move out immediately.
Your stuff will be mailed to you.
We’ve know each other for so long,
you are practically me.
We wear the same clothes everyday.
We look perfectly identical.
I’ve always listened to your preaching-
You need to move out now.

Please promise to get somewhere safe,
preferably far away.
You need to move out now, so
please close the door on the way out
of my life.

My Teacher's Pen

yesterday i cut my leggg. my foot actually. its not really a big cut but it still hurts. yea.. so cutting legs sucks. but having friends, who offered to bend down and help me nurse it, is bliss. so thank you hanjun and bryan! i hope the cut doesnt leave a scar...

k so yesterday was funn. cause i spent the day with friends at bryan's house, doing homework. today, didnt go as well... today we got back our chem paper 1 question paper. i wrote down the answers so i could calculate my total marks. i got 8 out of 20. one more mark to a pass. this sucks. hopefully i can pass my chem overall. i knew it wasnt very hard. i guessed i didnt put in as much effort as i could. this is the first time i've felt regret after a test/ exams. i hope i could at least get an E. crossing my fingers.

tmr i'll get back my some of my lit papers back. my cher has already announced the mark range of the entire cohort for the first essay. 6-17 out of 30 marks. he said the bulk had 7/8 marks. i hope i recieved a double digit. i want to excel. please let me excel. im pleading.

My Teacher's Pen
It sailed across her cheek.
A massive cruise throbbed with the waves
in the sea of flush; blush and the rush
of adrenaline set her ablaze.

Firemen came, leaving trailes of red.
Tears to the rescue! Put out the heat.
Smoke fogged up the sight; light and the tight
muscles caused wrinkles. Iron them neat.

She withers away from reality,
entrapped herself in lines of art;
in a new world driven by wind; gin and the sin
took over the power of her heart.

Seeing Her Future

omg. this poem that im going to post may sound disturbing to you. maybe cause it is about sexual abuse. or maybe its because i wrote it when i was shitting the the toilet. once again, i cant believe im proclaiming this to the entire world!

i was on the way to poo when i saw my brother's project on crimes. and he had complied a range of poems that were about crimes. so i got inspired and wrote one on the go. so yea.

Seeing Her Future
It was a party in that room.
The male guests never stopped coming
There were females too:
One bound to the bed, frightened,
Another at a corner.

The guys prowled, dirtied the sheets
And protected her like how her clothes did.
They came in large packs.
She fought hard, the bed screamed.
The other at a corner- sitting.

The last guest arrived and the party ceased.
He scoured the room. He was hungry.
She was a greasy smoked chicken, well-done.
Smiling, an appetite was worked up.
The other at a corner- sitting and watching.

They left the party house
With their tails between their legs.
He had fun, she had trauma, she struggled
He finished the job.
The other at a corner- sitting, watching and next
In line.

one pink flower bandaid

people say that women forgive but dont forget. i dont like over generalisations, so i shall say that i forgive but dont forget. omg, this sounds so familial now that im typing it. maybe i've written this agnes's quote before? but anyways, as well as you treat me now, as well as i am treating you now, the awkwardness outwards is gone, but my heart still tells me to be wary cause one pink flower bandaid aint gonna cut it.

Burying is hard

Burying is hard
i felt so cold from within when the temperature was 30 degrees outside.

felt so empty in a crowded room, there wasn't you in sight.

i saw passed you, i was tra-nspa-rent, a fragment of my ima gin ati on.

i opened my mou-th to make a noise, halted by hes tit at ion.

there you were, moving on, i thought i did so too.

it was a colouful day, a vibrant one, but now its turning blue.

i drifted off into the world of electronics, while you were entrapped in another.

where was the earth, the land, the air, my friend, my buddy, my brother?

i could see your shape and you could see mine but substance was my doubt.

the frown carefully kept by a giggle, a smile, a pout.

i forced it down deep deep deep, the unknown tension has to cease cease cease.

i am on my knees begging myself to bury the hatchet please please please.

performing for MOE ministers

havent blogged in quite a while. was busy with CTs and choir. performed yesterday. was sooo tired today that i feel asleep from 2++ to 7++ pm. before yesterday were all practices to learn 2 new songs in time.

i realised a very interesting thing. my choir cher did not allow me to wear my shorts with the NJ formal house tee in orchard. she didnt allow anyone to do so. she was kinda like you wear sch uniform or you wear home clothing. but of course no one wore home clothes as we met up in sch. so everyone, except those who wore sch u, were running away from her. and the unlucky few, were so unfortunate to be caught by her. she told me to put a jacket on. i dint have one, so i borrowed. but outside was like freaking hot. and i wasnt going the way my friend did, so i returned the jacket.

so she confronted me the very next day cause i was even more suay than everyone else. she saw me on the streets without the jacket. but come on! i was on the way home le! and besides aint what i was wearing like suitable for going out? i do that all the time, everyone does that! if that wasnt allowed, then students should not spend all that money on buying sch shirts cause they can only wear them to sch and after their sch term, they cannot be worn! her logic is warped.

but anyway, i explained to her, saying that my friend and i were going in different directions and she looked at me as if i was just craping some reason to patronise her. Whatever.....

kk, besides trivial stuff like that, i managed to speak to a few ministers yesterday, which was nice. they asked a few questions that kinda made me go "okay....." like when one of them asked me if we were going to sing our favourite songs, i replied, "no, we will be singing the power of the dream and auld lang syne" then she went "so they are not your favourite songs? haha" yeap.... stuff like that. i tried to turn it into some joke by saying "it can be. :)"

am excited that i can fully enjoy my holiday now, but am also worried about the fact that one week has passed. need to start studying soon or i'll do badly in my CTs after the exams. i should sleep early today cause tmr i have my singing lessons. but, i only just woke up at 7++, so am techniquely not sleepy at all now. hope i can survive tmr. *fingers crossed*