Yesterday, I had a chat with a friend in the taxi as we were
going home. And the topic really frustrated me in the vehicle. It was as
if there was a decision to be made or an epiphany to be struck. It was as if I had
been living wrongly and should change my way of life. Going to university meant
meeting new friends. With a new group of friends, it meant getting to know new
people with new sets of ideals. This group seems very different from what I guess
I have been interacting with. Although I have made it clear that I don’t necessarily
clique with all kinds of people, the ones I have met so far are usually study
oriented. They focus a lot on their grades with consistency. That’s me too. This
group, however, has a few individuals that divert from my norm.
So yesterday my friend and I were talking a bit about growing
up, going out and studies. He is a very “on” person. He loves to hang with
friends with any free time he possess. Me? I put studies first. So he was
telling me that I may have not let go of my “small girl mentality”. I didn’t agree
but I didn’t exactly disagree either. I said this could be due to the lack of
going out with friends. It has always been school, CCA and home for me. It was
always a daily routine with the exception of holidays after examinations. If I do
go out, though rarely, it is always with the same group of friends, which I have
to admit, pamper me. I guess the lack of going out gave me little chance in
making my own decisions and thus, grow up. The conversation made me feel like I
should change my way of life and the fact that I am going to graduate at only
21 years old makes it seem like I should make good use of this limited time.
What bullshit.
Thinking back, that is all nonsense and a waste of “emotional
mind-boggling cells”. There is nothing wrong with being studious. I mark my
grades to be of high priority constantly and not only during important
examinations. I am not going to wing through uni after putting in so many years
of hardwork. No. I do what I am comfortable with. Going out when I should be
studying or resting so as to absorb better will make me feel so guilty. No. I am
who I am and I’ll be who I feel is right.
