"i love you" as a friend...
One thing occupied my mind in the afternoon. you called. but i couldnt listen to your explaination just yet. i just couldnt. hearing your voice... just brought back the dreaded memories of what you did. your indifference. and i could feel the tears. not in my eyes, but i could feel them. and i would not cry for you again.
i hung up. i told my mum and shengying what happened. my mum defended you and SY explained on your behalf. i felt like the biggest bitch alive, not being able to forgive and forget. well, more of the forgive part. im someone who NEVER forgets. i dont feel like a bitch after listening to what they said. i feel like one cause i cant listen to you.
i feel bad for not being able to give you a chance to explain. if i had, maybe we would be on tlaking terms again. i feel bad. but i didnt regret it. i treasure this friendship enough to have gone through so much. giving you chances after chances to explain. but you refused them, or rather, trampled on them.
i called you 5 times the amount you have. messaged you. and even visited your house. you?
now, you have to give me a chance to forgive you. i need you to reassure me that you do care about this relationship. im not angry at you. im DISSAPOINTED. you have to show me that you would go through miles for this friendship. im not expecting you to beg, but you to want this.
from what SY said, i realised that all was a misunderstanding. and i want to explain to you too. but im not too sure if you're worth the trouble at all. so since i cant do so infront of you. i shall just explain here.
1. Bball incident.
ALL the clique's contacts are grouped in my phone. if i were to ask the clique out, EVERYONE will get the msg. its impossible for me to not ask you out when i ask everyone else. besides, when did i ever ask ppl to play bball??
2. you as my entertainer huh?
i call you to pei me everytime im free is because i WANT to spend my free time with you. cause i see you as a very good friend. and you KNOW that every time im free, i would say im bored. DUH. its ok if you dont want to spend all those time with me. you can obviously tell me. or lie. i wouldnt know if you lied would i? but if you didnt like my company, why do you ask me out too? its ok. since you dont want me to ask you out, i wont. i respect your decision. but just make it clear to me, what IS your decision?
3. making you have to stop in the middle of your game to send me home.
i cant believe that you actually brought this incident up to SY. but anyways, since i still see you as a friend (whom i am currently not speaking to now), i shall explain it too. you know i was pissed that night. you know i cant go home that late. i was bugging you to go go go. and you said your game had about 30mins, 45mins to go. you knew. its not as if i was uncaring towards your precious game. i said. I SAID it was ok for me to go home myself. I SAID i would go home myself. YOU didnt let it. YOU said it was ok. so is bringing this up a stab in my back?
loads of questions on my side. will you answer them?
