I used to think that you were never going to open up. that you were some distant entity that i could not comprehend, or have the chance to do so. i always felt a barrier, self-made, to protect myself from the repetition of past occurrences. but today you did and i felt a connection; not in the love sense. it was comforting. in return, i told you some of what i could share but i still held back on some though i would have loved a listening ear.
you really opened my eyes today and brought me into another zone that i've never thought to think about. on the receiving end, i've never even thought about the amount of effort, time, thoughts and emotions the other party has to invest into this. for self-protection, i've never initiated. i see things i like in different people but i dont see a particular person i could potentially love. the wait seems too long and at times, annoying. but the pain of the wait, i've learnt, is a good exchange for the pain of forcing a relation, the pain of the breakup and the pain of the feeling of being single again. its easier to be single after being single for so long. you will feel withdrawal symptoms after a breakup.
i also saw what our minds are thinking of now. i no longer give myself excuses though i still use them to brush away the questions of others. im envious of others while others are envious of me. but i dont feel inferior. and you dont see how i see the rest; how i see myself; and how i see you...
The escaped puppet and the entrapped rat
I stare into the window and saw you,
little lab rat. You were in a little cage,
eating your food with your little hands.
You had no concern for the rest of the world;
you probably have never seen the world.
Cherish your ignorance and you’d probably
be famous like I was. My strings gave me rope
burns as the audience cheered whenever I
bowed unwillingly. Now I am just a runaway
puppet, wishing to be controlled once again.
Do not cut off your strings ever.
Decisions are hard and independence is not
worth what you experience in the outside world.
I see you staring at me through the window
and I am envious. Your strings were cut
and you could roam free by yourself.
You could choose to do anything in the world;
you probably could do everything in the world.
Cherish your freedom and you’d probably
never be manipulated like me. I’m fed good
food as the scientists cheered whenever I
succeeded unknowingly. Now I am just a trapped
pet, wishing to be free once again.
Peel open that sunflower seed and reveal the grain.
Compliance is hard and dependence is not
worth what you endure in confinement.
