Failing
It was just an alphabet and a symbol.
Font size 10. Un-bold. Un-italicised.
It was just an alphabet and a symbol
so why does it feels like the
hot curling iron on my skin,
the razor on my face, the
scalding wax on my body, the
blusher in my eyes, the
cuticle scissors across my breasts.
Why does everything in my attempt to be pretty hurt?
It was like the universe was playing a game
out of me.
It made me the girl who won the crown but
my outfit strategically chosen to hide
all the scars from its constant assault;
my makeup so flawless and thick to hide
all the shame and to fill all the emptiness.
I took a blade.
Wine dripped out of me.
Release.
Another.
I was brought to the clouds. Counted ten of them.
One more.
I was just an arm's length from Him.
I have never been so close to such a stranger.
I reached out so desperately. I needed comfort only he could ration.
But he stood there and hugged me with his eyes.
It was pure connection between the shameless and
the shameless.
My heart beating, hitting, slamming. Bang!
So much pain. How could there be so much pain.
There was no fall but I'm lying on the ground.
It was just an alphabet and a symbol.
Font size 10. Un-bold. Now red.
