'Gu dan bei ben qiu' fades in the backgound as i start recalling what i encountered today. speaking to wanxin makes me feel like shes the little me. having to go through the same agony of having the prenotice that he'll go away someday. Mel & WX. Mel & WX. JunYong and Jiawei. JY & Harrison. Mel and JY both know that they cant be together always but they are making good use of the time spent together. nothing to worry there, no sorrow too.
wan xin on the other hand is a different case. harrison told her it is going to be agonising for her to wait for him. this is exactly what i went through. and yes. it IS indeed very agonising. wan xin doesnt want to breakup. this is made clear. i feel alot for her. espacially to the little me. the pain she has to go through is definitely not any smaller nor less pain, painless. no. there is nothing i can do to help, unfortunately.
i told her to study with me. i do not know if i want to get closer to her or harrison. or maybe to run wawy from the stars on my desk. i do not know why i did not throw them away. is it that im sentimental or that im still not over him? nahs... i do not feel any pain already. right?
doing homework alone is hard. the prelims are coming up. as if i cant wait for it to come any sooner. harrison is feeling the stress already and he is imposing on wanxin (from how i interpret on what i heard). whether conciously or not, its wrong of im. i do not want to tell him either. coming between people is something i do not want to do again. disaster will happen. that makes me wonder too. how did my friendship with harrison go so bad? aren't friends suppose to say hi to each other when they meet? or is it like what wan xin said-- that he has become a loner? its high time he come out of his shell. why do i care so much about him? does he resemble wenjie?
wow. this is like the longest diary entry ever. but who cares? i'll just continue writing. wanxin agnes wan xin agnes wagnes. hahas. are we alike or totally different? you know, sometimes when i look at wan xin in the eyes, that us when im not distracted by her cute bobbling face, weird emotions just strike me. that brings me back to the taiwan trip i went this year.
i miss the time spending with ZhengJiang, my senior, at the river. poking him was fun, but thats not the point. t is not that i like him but i just find that he is very nice to accompany me late at night as i tried to let go of the fact that wen jie is gone. why am i talking about wenjie again> he should have dissapeared. should have, but couldnt. i wonder if he has a new gf now...
i'm recalling the time when he, his friend, or his friendS msn me. that was nasty. and the worst is, i still do not know who did it. easily trusting, (huajing) i guess i'll just leave him with the clean record and let my impression of him stay nice and lovely. im thinking of my friends now. SY, Cl, HJ, JM and Prat. pillars of support i say....
hrm... i need a hug. $99 teddy bear aint doing its magic anynmore. must have been stuffed out after the hour long hug. i recieved my DSA results tday from RJC. i didnt get in. so much for the sympathetic background huh? prelims goals:
EL- must move up to atleast an A2.
CL- move to a B3... and try not to be the last again.
AM and Phy- allowed to relax to at most A2
the rest- to be maintained at A1.
nothing else is allowed to fall. tough.
im thinking of rongjie now... i do not know why. oh. wait. im thinking of Aaron now, he used to be the one who i could call up and bombard with sorrows. should i call rongjie? OMG. what a thought. we aren't that close yet. ahh... i miss aaron, why must you go to australia? i remember what hazel told me about Bingcai. she says he comforts her. i saw a paragraph of his work today, from prat's phone... maybe i shoould make friends with him. i seriously need someone to confided to now...
what about jeshrei?? looking at the everylasting melody sore cover, there is a small and faint imprint of his name. bouncing in my mind. i wonder if i should talk to him. he seems like one who should be able to understand right?? i wonder why we were enemies in the first place... and how did our relationship get so well whereas mine and harrison grew so far apart.
C-G. CG chord.yes its music. my neighbour just rang my doorbell. asking for help to play a CG chord for him.. hes only 6 by the way. learning how to play row row row your boat. i want to lean how to play gu dan bei ban qiu as it still drifts in my mind. i wonder what wanxin will say when she reads this. i wonder what zhengjiang, prat, hazel, bingcai, jeshrei will say. i wonder what HE will say. im over him. i am. i wish. yes, i am. now i just need medicine to close the wound. i hate medicine. i hope it wont hurt anymore. doctor, may i have that numbing thingy first? oh. wait, im afraid of needles.
no time to lose. three weeks to prelims. prelims prelims prelims. this time, i must get 7 As and more again. i must. wanxin, study with me. jeshrei, talk to me. who to hug me? everlasting gu dan bei ban qiu.
