am in the mood to be a total bitch today. have you ever had like this gush of feelings that dont go away until you find a place for them to leak out of you? yeap i had that, hence im here now.
wanted to actually dimish the bloggie feel by playing spider solitair and blog surfing, but apprently, they failed. and after procrastinating for about, i dont know, 15mins? i just couldn't stand the uncomfortable feeling inside and decided to just suck it up and let it out.
im gonna be really candid today. its not that i had a very terrible day. maybe it was due to the lack of sleep, hence tiredness. but isnt it ironic that i refuse to go to bed today? oh and i have yet to sms my friend about tmr. but i guess i'll do so after this post. i know irresponsible. but for now, i couldnt care less.
today my friend kinda annouced to the class to hand in out "chem stuff" in the most satirical tone ever, just because i decided to hand up my other assignment that was 2 days late. i know this is gonna make me sound like the abosolute ass hole but, wells. of course these were not my thoughts once it happened, but now, comming to think of it... being a leader is to take all the crap and shit that comes flying to your face, in your face, at your face aint it? its not that i havent had my fair share of gruesome smudges. deal with it.
ok, maybe i should have handed it in on time, or at least hand it in myself. not that it did not occurred to me. i did want to ask her if i should hand it in myself when i passed the assignment to her, but then she made the annoucement. *roll my eyes* ok, i know i sound really bitchy, but anyways. she did apologise for "losing [her] temper" (as quoted), but owels, moving on-
oh, i just realised what i came online for... to finish the lit poem analysis... guess that will have to wait, again. dang dont know what im doing man. i guess im like just soo tired of not doing well for my tests. some people may say that im not doing well. some may say that i just have high expectations. *roll my eyes again* apprently, my expectations of myself is slipping together with my performance like a viscious cycle. working hard is just only a word with no meaning anymore.
i've always believed that working hard is not equivalent to good grades (as optimistic as that sounds), but not working hard is definitely equivalent to bad ones. (im not sure if i mispelled equivalent. see? signs of failing GP) this SUCKS!
I CAN FEEL ALL THIS HUGE EMOTIONS GOING THROUGH MY HEAD AS I TYPE BUT i dont see my self moving at all, except my fingers and the occasional movements of the wrist to reach a far 'key'. the serenity that fools all about the impending storm. yea, the F word is most definitely popping in my head now.
tmr's track and field day. then the school hols begin, after choir ends.time to buck up on all my subjects, as much as i want a nice week off. i can see my brain melting in the most graphic senarios.
im tired, after letting off all those emotions. need a rest promto, but, of course, after my shower and after my hair dries. oh and i need to update my friends about tmr before she sleeps.
Caged
I woke up to a peanut at my face.
Breakfast! I thought, what kind souls.
Soon the peanut disappears into a sea of acid,
My sea of acid.
I looked around to a world of bright light and smiles.
A positive change from where I laid my head before.
Showered with more alarm clocks, I was god.
With a twitch of my fingers and a gulp,
The faces, oddly differing in shapes, cheered.
I was satisfied with their prayers.
With offerings in hand, I ordered
For the peanuts to fly to my subjects.
They scurried away. The same spider-webbed look.
I reached out but the massive metal monster separates the Holy
From the despised.
Sad little creatures. No freedom. All being dressed.
All caged up.
