i dont want to go to sch. its funny to say such a thing like when i have only 2 more days left, excluding graduation day. but, nj have been fucking distressing these few days.
i guess it all started with academics. or maybe not. but then. studies has always been a source of stress no matter what. i recently heard my friend say that i made him "feel like a loser". his words, not mine. saying that i make him feel worse when i complain about my "good" grades. so i guess i shant talk about acads here. but just you know, i aint feeling too good being a 'bully'.
and of course, my weight. i know i've always put on weight when ever im stressed. i used to be sooo skinny. i know exams have always caused me to get abit thicker, but i always compensate after exams by thinning down by 2-3Kg every time. but as i grow, i feel a rising importance in results and i get more stressed. aka, more fat. its not good to know that i've put on 10Kg in just 6 years. thats alot of weight to put on in such a small amount of time. so i aint feeling as confident about my size as you think i am. so back off bitches, i dont need you to make me thinner or feel that im an fat ass pig. back off.
the last thing happened in sch today. and i guess its kinda the last straw. actually, maybe not. reciting what happened today, at home, was the final straw. the freaking asshole DM caught me for my skirt. and mind you, my skirt IS long. it freaking reaches my knee. my bag lifted my skirt, its not like i intentionally want to show off my ass to the sch population you fking bitch. its not like i could tell me bag
"hey, dont lift my skirt".
oh and did you know? senior teaches aint that clever. she told me she wants to take a picture of my skirt cause i told her in the face that
"this is short? this is not short".
so i took out my phone and passed it to her. i even pressed the button for her. all she had to do was click the image that looked like a camera. she just stood there for so long before coming back and asking
"i dont know how to use you phone".
so i clicked it for her. she said
"stand there. wait"
and she took forever to come back with the phone again
"i dont know how to take the picture"
so she took it. and thats how i knew my skirt was lifted by my bag cause when she took it again without my bag, it was long. LONG. fucking asshole.
so i said i was sorry and asked her what i was supposed to do. i didnt alter my skirt so i cant do anything. she wanted me to lengthen it (which is the same as altering it, which is against the sch rules btw). so i said
"ms phua, im sorry but i dont know what to do"
and she fking said
"dont argue with me or i'll lower your conduct grade"
wtf lah. i apologise to you then you come and say i argue. wts.
and then 2 mins later she came back to me and said
"see, after so long, you still nvr apologise to me"
and i knew i did, so i said
"but i just did"
and she walked away.
i should just pon sch tmr. fking bitch.
at home, i couldnt even tell my mom my entire story. she doesnt even listens to everything before making any judgements. ok, im the kind of girl who doesnt pon sch, lessons or even lectures. have never been caught for breaking any sch rules and most of the time, the teachers' pet. in secondary sch, i could work perfectly fine with the DM. i mean, i can work with like reasonable people and she, was no where near reasonable. hence, to think that im so stressed up that i dont want to even go to sch, dont you feel the anguish im going through??? if you can, can you use like so telepathic sensory thing to signal my mum?
she wants me to go buy a new skirt. like wth? only 2days of sch left and you want me buy a new skirt so that she can see? i mean like why should I be the one who admits my mistake. i wasn't even rude to her. i was being reasonable but she hears nth but her voice. she is the one who caught me wrongly. but she wouldnt admit her mistake. fuck off man. just fuck off my life.
Stupid Pig. Fat cow. Mute girl.
Move away from me.
Don't ask, just do,
for all the bruises, self-inflicted,
were instigated by you.
Do not get down on your knees
and beg forgiveness once again
and please do not insult me to the floor
screaming and wailing in pain.
No one has to go through agony.
You can leave with your head high.
But, do not patronise me, praise or pretend
that you were truthful for all your lies.
Your word gripping tightly onto my key
as i spotted, in your eye, a tear.
The locksmith approaches, tools and all.
My eye; your eye, a mirror.
i thought it was not possible
but i'm already dead inside.
Stupid Pig. Fat cow. Mute girl.
"Fuck off my life"
