伤感 and 悲哀

ok. im officially noted as bored. tomorrow, from what i noe now, is the day when he has to go to china. feeling well kinda indifferent, tt is until im writing this. mayb bcos todae i kept myself so bz i cud nt afford the tym to tink about unhappy things lyk this. ok, so now im feeling down, deep deep deep down. funni, seein that im staying on the twelve floor of a fourteen floor flat.

hrmm. so this is the small scale of what im suppose to feel tmr? stressing on the suppose. well. im nt sure but i feel that we aint going anywhere anymore... as in, i miss him and all but it has been forever since he contacted me. is it that he is still grounded? or that he no longer feel it heated anymore. it seems to be cooling off juz too fast for my body to adjust. blehs.. thinking of bio. homeostasis... z.z"... owels. i dont know anymore. does he still miss me. does he still like me. does he still love me?

if those answers to the questions are yes-es, den why dont he contact me? cn a relationship reali sustain wifout conversations n communications?? i've always tot relationships r a two way ting. but nw, its nt even a one way its no way. cos im the type hu returns love yet dont initiate love.. haiz.. ytd, one of my frens came to my hse. we toked. n soon we reached tis subject. then he told me tt if one realli lyks another, one would go all out to contact the other. looks like grounded aint an excuse anymore.

so he hasnt contacted me yet. so i dont know whens the flight looks lyk i cnt see him for the last tym afterall. seems lyk its gona be a fone break up. well, we did agree on breakin b4 he leaves. i wonder if he is gona call me when he reaches china. i juz wonder.

owels. lets change the topic. today, there was this annoying guy. he is lyk getting on my nerves all the tym. i told him clearli tt we wont work out, yet he does not gt it. i try to ignore him, but he always sprints over n frowns n shouts at me for doing so. whats wrong with him?! 爱人而不被爱是伤感，但，被爱而不还爱是悲哀。 why am i both?

so guys wen r y'all gona contact me n go away frm me? u juz left me hangin...

its CNY

its CNY!! and today, it had been kinda an en-RICH-ing experience for me!! $**6. not as much as last few year but its still good since this year is the bad/horrible/crazy/terrible/unthinkable economy year. owels.. pays to have 15 aunts and uncles who did the s'por population a favour by producing more den 2 children each, who are also really big, thus most of dem r married, aka, more ang bao!! now i understand why i love the colour RED! to children, this RED day should be called Realli Exciting Day, and to adluts? Realli Expensive Day. but anws, i bet they all love this day too. giving is a pleasure. (but so is recieving) HAPPI CNY Y'ALL!!PS i tink the other gud ting bout tis CNY is tt one other sad ting has been driven way.. cheers to RED!

bad feelings

y do i hav a bad feeling about the 2nd dae of CNY?? y dont i want it to cum?? cn tym juz stop at the 1st dae n juz sop dere??

dissapearing acts

i dont lyk dissapearing acts. i realli dont. it juz irritates me. will you actualli call me everyday wen u go china? or wen there are obstacles i wont hear from you? obstacles could vary. thats a fact. and there are some obstacles i would rather not think of. mayb u cud live a broken promise, but i cnt live wif a broken promise. n i remembered that i promised u i wouldn't cry. if u break yrs, i'll break mine. wadeva u do will cause my life. u made me love, u taught me love. the sweetness and bitterness of it. ~heartwrenching

yesterday

yesterday, i kinda went onl9 from round 5 or 6pm to 1am. he told me that he would go onl9 everyday at nite but i dint know what tym he would be onl9 so i waited n waited but he dint show unfortunateli. not sure if he is going to show today. but i decided not to wait anymore. so yesterday was bit dissapointing cos he aso dint contact me in anyway so we dint talk. wonder if he was in trouble or smth happened to him. owels. hope this doesnt happen often.

today's songs

today i tot of many songs...

彩虹：
也许时间是一种解药
也是我现在正服下的毒药
看不见你的笑我要真么睡得着
你的声音这么近我却抱不了
。。。
你要离开 我知道很简单

TI AMO:
Ti Amo Te Quie ro
每一天都要爱上你 想着你沉入梦境
一张眼一清醒第一个想到又是你
Sarang Heyo and I Love You
我每天都要爱上你 少一天就会遗憾
陪着你的光阴怎样都不算蹉跎

烟火：
我在你眼里看到闪烁 冷冽的寒风把你吹向我
抱你在我怀中没想太多 爱情里的心动
常常让我难以去捉摸 付出感情太多
原来多情人总被伤的最重
想起你的拥抱 这感觉短暂纪念 在你我之间
有时说变就变就像烟火 下一秒消失不见
想起你的微笑 这画面短暂纪念 放在心里面
你说过的永远留在昨天 就当它是我最美的纪念
。。。
还有你陪我走过这一切 记忆中你那些微笑的脸

爱与希望：
当爱与希望 投射炙热的太阳
昨日泪光 会随时间都蒸发
别轻易放弃 明天要许更多愿望
装满了勇气 就更有力量

当爱与希望 倒映暖暖的月亮
再回头望 又是筑好的家乡
我知道未来 还有好多路要闯
我打开了窗 看见了晴朗

下一个天亮：
等下一個天亮 去上次牽手賞花那裡散步好嗎
有些積雪會自己融化 你的肩膀是我豁達的天堂
等下一個天亮 把偷拍我看海的照片送我好嗎
我喜歡我飛舞的頭髮 和飄著雨還是眺望的眼光
。。。
時間可以磨去我的稜角有些堅持卻永遠磨不掉
請容許我 小小的驕傲因為有你這樣的依靠

i tink tot of so mani songs today bcause i was attending my grandma's 1year death anniversary. she actualli passed 1 day b4 chinese new year eve this year... but in order nt to let it b too close to next yr cny, we went wigf the ceremony today... to end off, joysticks' burns hurt, n dey leave a mark.

signing off,
poison ivy..
was also known as,
former little india..
now also known as,
the adorable agnes.. :)

pleasant

hrmm.. today was a pleasant day... no surprises or shocks... nth much actualli... dint think much... juz like i always do... the blank mind of me... today, i was juz like doing my homework... did 5 topics out of ten of amaths... quite pleased at myself. but i have to brush it up if i wana complete all my homework... owells,today he told me to giv him ALL my photos... repeat... ALL... so wen i did decide to send him my photos, he had to go offl9... looks lyk he doesn't have the luck to have my photos... hahas... jia yous bahs XP

differences

this christmas was one of the more non-homework type. remember that when i was young, used to always dance during christmas, with my family that is. but this tradition of ours kinda faded whe i reached secondary. this year, i think i danced again. in my heart.

watched twilight with him yeaterday. it was about this girl and a vampire... this girl, she was injected with venom in one part of the movie. then this vampire, inorder to save her from her suffering went over to suck the venom out, but to understand that she was in pain that she could not be with him forever. this kind of reminded me of him and me. he came into my life and sucked the venom out of me. yet again, causing me to be unable to be with him forever. i have now, less than even a month to be with him. thats sad. we couldn't even be together for amonth. i remember that we got together on the 20th DEC. yet, he's going on the 19th JAN... its sad.

owells.. while we were watching the movie, i did put my head on his shoulder. but then... why must he sit so low... my head could barely touch his shoulder. but i still managed to do so. :) loved the feeling. i want to meet him on the 9th and 18th jan if possible.. hope he can make it. as in for a whole day. i want to go back to that bridge. even just for awhile, i would be satisfied. make my wish come true will you??

The notebook and the stars

The notebook and the stars
look at the notebook and think of the stars,
close your eyes and im right there where you are.
feel my cuddles, my hugs, embrace,
remember my smiles, my eyes, my face.

the rosy cheeks and hazel eyes,
will miss you, when to china you fly.
even though we're not together,
our hearts still link from now to forever.

so when you're sad, don't you frown
cause i am sure to be there when you're down.
stand up tall, lift your head high,
i'll promise you that i wouldn't cry.

the test of time, of people, of us,
we have to take it, let's not fuss.
we decide our fate, it lies in our hands,
do not crush it, or it'll turn into sand.

my eyes are teary, i do not deny,
they won't come out, i told you i'd try.
your lovely lips, your tender kiss,
oh, these little things i'll miss.

think of the notebook and look at the stars,
close my eyes and you're right there where i think you are.

Went out with her

went out with her todayy. say rmun outing became me, my qing ai de, nigel and ken. haha. onli 3ppl frm rmun. oh well. counted lurh. haha. i got feed her finally horr. haha. (: then she kiss me X) haha. anyways, today went for the wedding dinner at church and imagined that it was the both of us there instead saying i do. will my wish come truee? thinking of her so much. den she ask me go look at notebuk, look at star, close eye then she will be right nxt to me. haha. but nth beats having her in my arms. nth. i love you. and yes i'll look at the stars. look at them tooo? muacks

wen jie