i think im losing my direction, or focus or what so ever. i dont seem to know what im supposed to do. ok, i do. as in i know what i have to do to get smth good. but what is that something good?? things dont go my way any more. nope. when i want smth, it just doesnt come. as in, yea, i worked hard. at least in my opinion, i did my best. i've been honest, and maybe real answers dont appeal? the lies triumph??
seriously, i dont see the light at the end of the tunnel. im not aiming high now. im not reaching high either. im trying to grasp to the basics but i just cant seem to touch it, much less grab it. i feel like im losing a battle i do not understand. or do not know of. its foriegn.
i... i dont know. damn. what am i suppose to do? now even i dont want to follow through my plans. today was supposedly a study day, but i wasted the entire time watching tv and being on the com.my friends asked me out for a mugging session. i dint go, thinking that i could study better by myself. but see where that got me to. tmr i need to wake up early for choir. but here i am blogging at the middle of the night. and i've yet to even shower.
sleeping is a neccessity. it gives you the time to run away from the world and everything that you have to face once those eyes open. dreaming about a perfect life. one that puts me out of misery.
sigh.. dont know what i have to do. loads of things undone.
-pa camp= yet to sign form, yet to pack bag
-choir recording= yet to pack stuff, yet to tell dad to send me to sch
-homework=yet to finish, yet to start on some
-revision=yet to finish, not even far from the start
i used to want to excel. in ALL aspects. i wanted to be all rounded. that was hard. but i did it. i had help and encouragement. from many. am i shunning them away? now? i just want to pass some of my exams. my ccas, just a member. i see my friends pushing their way through the crowd to be outstanding. to get a good profile. and me? just to do well to meet the criteria of the college. i can barely see the path to my desired career.
jc is such a drag. being 16++ sucks. and 17 will suck even more. and 18 will suck more than 17. and 19 will suck more than 18. and 20 wil...
dont let my life spiral into such a disaster. being the elite is far from sight. being the norm is hard to grasp. shall i just be myself? but ppl are so pretentious.i cant figure it out.
