the water works are appearing again, more often than i thought it would, yet less often than i hoped it would. life's tumbling downhill again, as usual, since i am still trapped in choir. i see how the escape party happily while enduring the consequences. i want to run away cause the wall i built up is rapidly degrading. i can feel arrows sinking deep into my flesh. random arrows. and i pray that none will be fatal. i see my comrades standing by my side weeping, sharing the exact same predicament as me. i console them and my tears hides. laying my head next to the free ones, the salty cowards leak out like an abandoned dam.
if there were a pyramid that denotes hierachy, where would i be? i see the masses revolting, succedding. i feel the upper classes oppressing, succedding. and i feel myself suffocating, failing, dying. im trying to stand up again but the two forces are too great. collective.. maybe we can do it collectively. but i feel so alone.
i wish one day i will not be afraid anymore. i wish i had the courage to look at her in the face. i do not want bombastic words. i do not want fancy languages. just 2 simple words would do. "you suck". that would do. that would be what i would do. that would be what i would do in my dreams, now, later, and then. but in reality? i know it will never come out. cause i am scared.
she puts out the fire in me and makes me feel like crap. singing. they both teach me singing. so why the vast difference in methods? one makes me feel like i could conquer the world with my voice. the other shuts me down, takes away the microphone and shines the spotlight on the others.
i love the stage. i want to stand on it, yet i feel so bad that i have to depend on you to stand on "your" stage. i do not need you to stand on a stage. i have other means. in fact, i think i stood on a stage more times than you ever did. but i still love the stage. and with any time i could do that, i would not throw away that chance. so dont take it away from me. cause if you did, i swear, i may just throw a punch in your face, when i lie my head on my pillow.
