yesterday...
my mind was like: i tink we should just stay as we are... thats is because im CLUELESS about what he thinks everyday... (that is.. except for me) but even so... hw m i so sure tt he is even thinking bout me?? questionmarks filled my mind... everyday, one, two, many would pop up... soon.. every nerve is tensing because of him... it is suppose to be like that wen u like someone rite? or is that love... once again, CLUELESS... im starting to heat up... hahas... i feel like a stove... black and oily... well... mostly because of the heat.... ok, i ain't making any sense now... is that what im suppose to be? m i suppose to make sense or what? love, is senseless... thats what i heard... then again... love is all bout sensing...
when i first met him...he was... well, an ordinary person i met... just like anyone else... but when he held my hands... my heart skipped... it throbbed... it wobbled... then, it sank... shit... he is going away to china... it sank down... deep down... as it sank, it hit my internal organs... destroying them... the piercing pain... unbearable... Excruciating! but it all seemed fine... my face made no comments... it just stared... blankly... then he knelt down... with flowers in his hands... *FLASH* someone was taking pictures... funi... my friends were playing with him... he seemed to like/dislike me/him/who... i have no idea.. like what everyone always do, i played along.. acted as if nth mattered... i thought him holding my hands were just what a friend mite do to console one another... how nice... then things happened which i realli dint care so lets fast forward till the part where we were alone.. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
we were alone...
well, technically, i was with him and he was with me... so... whateva...he walked up close to me... he held my hand... it froze... yet again was heated... was boiling... he locked his fingers with mine as i looked at him... he faced front as if nth happened... he turned and so did i.. pretending... what is this all about?! friendship? smth more? what? say smth!! but we just walked... i saw the lighting... "i think we chose the rite bridge" what a stupid thing to say!! but at least it broke the silence... still CLUELESS bout everything... tt is until we reached the glorious mrt train… I nvr thought of it as glorious before… it was kinda a drag actually… but with him… it seemed, nice…
in that mrt…
he told me he had this thing bout me… FINALLY!! So that’s why everything is so weird… he likes me… ooh…. Shit… great… crap… nice… damn… lovely… ass… wonderful… wow… CLUELESS bout what I feel… lets juz say tt we managed to go through the whole mrt ride and end it with smiles and question marks… big smiles and huge enormous humongous question marks… and just maybe… a small tiny exclamation mark… do I like him?? Do I like him!! :)
the next morning…I woke up thinking bout him… I tried to sleep… I failed… damn!! Its the morning.. no stars! So since I cant put images of him into the stars above me… I think the only thing I could do was juz leave it in my mind for the time being… n I mean FOR THE TIME BEING… unfortunately… tt was a wrong move of me… because it was a sly one… it grew roots into my brain… it went inside out… as I was rehearsing… tears filled my eyes as I thought of the sight when he would leave… shit! Not now! Not when there is 269 ppl watching me! No way! Go back in you crazy drops… cant you juz evaporate now?! I closed my eyes… shit! Nono! Another wrong move… damn!! Go back into my eyes.. don’t come out! Well.. aren’t those tears defiant!... but at least I know smth… I think I kinda like him…
And so this went on…and on… and on… and on…
the day I cried for him again…
was the day I went to penang… I tink I drowned him on the fone… but he dint mind… at least I tink he dint mind…. I hope he doesn’t… this isn’t going anywhere… I told myself… im making a decision and that’s that! The deadline? When I come back from penang! So both of us agreed to meet on the 18th… but he doesn’t know that im going to make the decision then… everyday, when in penang, he would sms… he doesn’t know that every sms means a lot in my decision… when I came back on the 17th, he told me that he cant make it on the 18th… strike one… what a blummer… 3 strikes and your out. So we’re meeting on the 20th….
On the 20th…Which is just now… I made up my mind to say that we should stay the same… stay as we are.. alittle more than juz frens yet nt to that extent… my heart is cold… freezing… dead… I cant believe im going to do it!! But yesterday… the stars warmed up my heart… (i wonder how many stars he gave me though... i'll ask him nxt tym...) he wrapped his hand around my waist… and he unfroze my heart and gave it life… I knew cause it started throbbing, hard… then magical things happened and I followed my friends advice… I kissed him… I tink that should give him an idea of what I tink of him…
I hope I dint make the wrong decision...
Please don’t make me regret this… don’t make me read out this poem to you eva…
Dumped
You won’t know till you felt it
The complexity of a guy's mind
I just do not understand
The existence of the human kind
Where emotions of anger live
Happiness and sad too
Love and jealousy and heartaches
Boo hoo hoo
Tangled, twisted and cramped
In our head is our brain
Which in biology class
We learn it’s what keep us sane
I have been taught from young
That our eyes show us what we want to see
But now that I want to see your thoughts
My eyes start betraying me
You said you wanted me
A thousand, millions of times
You wanted to be my boyfriend
I know now that it were all lies
Cause when I said yes to you
You told me you had a change of heart
You no longer had feelings for me
And thus you want to part
My heart is shredded
Torn, stabbed and killed
It was cut, sliced and disfigured
Beaten, pureed and grilled
I have come thus far
Though having lost my bearings
But I still sincerely hope
That you remain the happy bird singing
