What is forbidden is tempting. But the very fact that it is forbidden gives it sufficient body to the act of rejecting temptation. Moreover, circumstantial reasons backs up the act substantially. And this leads to easy decisions on my part cause it seems almost an only one way route to go. Arrows shot either from others or Cupid had not even the slightest chance of penetrating this solid armor of mine. Love seem to come towards me too easily. Love did not manage to integrate into me though. It seemed like if I wanted to, it would be like butter.
No more temptation. For what used to be forbidden is now past tense while I'm moving on to the present too fast for my own sake. The armor depleted and corroded like marble disintegrating upon the caress of acid rain. Exams were over. It should be the time to party. It is the time to party. But with whom? The building of common identity amongst the XY sex had removed them from my current pool of friends and has put me into a situation where I am forced to meet new older guys, some of which with the potential of melting my heart like a hot iron on plastic. And yet, there isn't any more reason to dodge any sharp pointed sticks, launched by a bow.
It becomes hard when you know it is no longer a one way route to go. I may need to start reciprocating feelings. That is scary. Of course I have not gone cold turkey during the forbidden times. Flirting was a distressing hobby that sometimes go too far and start give some abrasions to their tender heart. But reciprocating feelings. That's the challenge. How am I going to keep myself safe when I feel more vulnerable? Flirting empowers when you are hollow inside and he presents only his insides. But now... I'm only left with my shield and sword. No more chunky metal frame.
What should I do then? I'm going to expand my shield. Until I meet the right guy whom I know I do not just want to slice, like a piece of sushi. maybe I'll drop my sword for him, when he promises to use his insides to be my new impenetrable armor. The process would be hard cause I do not have total control of this game anymore. It's no longer a beauty pageant where I am the judge who dictates who makes the cut. I am searching and finding for that tree whom I'll be willing to chain myself to when the world starts killing the environment for their economic gains again.
