ever felt that the entire world was about to crash down on you and you were there hiding behind a small and tiny mask that suffocates you? but that mask is like your only protection from the cruel world so you have like no choice but ot wear it? its like when you take it down, the universe immediately slaps you in the face with reality. well, im sick and tired about living a life of charades. that mask disgusts me.
after being misunderstood and have everyone's temper and tolerance level up and down so quickly, its hard not to just scream in your head by yourself. but you just hold it in you. gripping it tightly so that it does not blow out. until some idiot have to just accidentally knock your mask off with little words like "but she's your best friend" your best friend..bestfriend..bestfriend... it echos in your brain and tears just fall.
i still cant remember why i had to breakdown last night. it seems like it just flashed by so fast and i was so emotionally unstable that i did not fight it. i dont know, even now, if i had the ability to fight it. hung up the phone.
slept early last night, at one, hoping to get that over with. woke up early but refused to get out of bed until one. thats 12hours wasted. gone and vapourised. checked myphone. saw 4 missed calls and 5 messages. damn. i thought. i checked it out but kinda refused to call and reply. i took the easy way out and called a third party, then a fourth, and slowly inched my way to the missed calls.
the world was not going to turn absolutely to the extreme if i called. i recalled watching house last night. an overreaction i guess. things turned out for the better and it was pure relief i felt. but i realised how many others are still keeping up with the charades.
i dont feel that i have won the game of charades. i feel that i have given up the game. thrown away my mask. hopefully, my mask wont just lurk next to me. it looks like it has a brain of its own. it is tempting to put it on, but it was just brainwash you and add weight to your head, which adds weight to your neck, which adds weight to your shoulders.
拿得起，放得下。而放下了，就得继续往前方走。
people say forgive and forget. people also say forgiveness, hard; forgetting impossible. but forgiveness is a virture and once you've done it, you can brag about your greatness so that's a good thing. you get to be egoistic for once. forgetting is techniquecally impossible since your brain practically stores everything. although all may not be recalled but it is all remembered. so since forgetting is impossible, why not try smthing else? treat it as an experience that good friends go through.
every story has a climax. every friendship has its bad times. and of course it has its good times too.
today? today contains our friendship's great times.
